Forgiveness can be one of the hardest things we’re asked to do. Maybe it's someone else you can't forgive. Maybe it's yourself, or an ex-partner while you're tapping through divorce and finding peace as your life splits in two. Either way, the weight of resentment, anger, and hurt can sit in your body long after the event itself is over. EFT Tapping is one way to work with that weight directly, instead of only thinking your way past it.
In this guide, you’ll find a round for forgiving someone else, a separate one for forgiving yourself, what the data and the research show, and answers to the questions people ask most about forgiveness and Tapping.
What Is Tapping for forgiveness?
Before we get into the Tapping techniques, it’s important to understand what forgiveness really means. After all, we tend to have a lot of resistance to forgiveness.
Sure, we might know we “should” forgive, but we don’t always want to. It’s difficult!
There’s often a part of us that says, “No way, I was wronged! And if I forgive them, I’m condoning the behavior.”
And there’s also often a deeper part, rooted in our ancient brain and biology, that finds it hard to forgive because of the fear that if we forgive, it’s going to happen again and we’ll get hurt. It doesn’t feel safe.
But here’s the truth about forgiveness: forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing harmful behavior. It doesn’t mean rolling over when bad things happen to us and giving in.
Rather, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release the grip that negative emotions have on you. It’s a choice to free yourself from the burden of anger, fear, and resentment, so you can move forward with greater peace and ease.
This is where Tapping comes in. With Tapping, we can address both our conscious thinking about the issue, as well as the deeper subconscious and biological roots holding us back.
Tapping (also sometimes called EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques) combines elements of modern psychology therapy with ancient Chinese acupressure, helping to calm the nervous system and rewire emotional responses.
It has been shown to help calm the amygdala in the brain, soothe stress and anxiety, and release strong emotions and experiences from our past.
When it comes to forgiveness, Tapping can help you:
- Release pent-up negative emotions
- Reduce the intensity of painful memories
- Shift perspective on past events and see new insights
- Increase self-compassion
- Open the heart to new possibilities
Tapping for forgiveness is an extremely effective tool for processing and releasing old emotional patterns that are holding us back from feeling peaceful and free in the present.
This same process of releasing old patterns can also support other major life transitions, like the grief and identity shift of an empty nest once your kids move out and leave home.
A step-by-step guide to Tapping for forgiveness
If you’re brand new to Tapping, you can learn the basics in this comprehensive guide.
Step 1: Identify the issue
Begin by clearly identifying what you’re having trouble forgiving. Is it another person’s actions? A situation? Yourself? Be as specific as possible.
Step 2: Rate the intensity
On a scale of 0-10, rate how intense your emotions are when you think about the situation. This gives you a baseline to measure your progress.
Step 3: Create a setup statement
Form a statement that acknowledges the issue while accepting yourself. For example:
“Even though I'm angry at [person/situation] for [specific reason], I deeply and completely accept myself.” or “Even though I’m having a hard time forgiving [person/situation], I am okay in this moment.”
Step 4: Move through the Tapping sequence
While repeating your setup statement three times, tap on the Side of the Hand point. Then, tap through the following points in order while focusing on your feelings about the situation. You can also speak out loud about what is bothering you while you tap through the points.
- Eyebrow
- Side of the Eye
- Under the Eye
- Under the Nose
- Under the mouth
- Collarbone
- Under the Arm
- Top of the Head
Step 5: Reassess and repeat
After completing one round of Tapping, take a deep breath and reassess your intensity level using the 0 to 10 scale. Repeat the process, adjusting your statements as needed, until you feel a shift.
Curious to try this out in real time? Watch this video of me and Wayne Dyer Tapping on the topic of forgiveness, and be sure to tap along with us!
Free. The best place to start.
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Join the free summitExample Tapping script for forgiveness
Below is a sample Tapping script to get you started.
First, identify who or what you are having trouble forgiving. Get really specific on what happened, what they said, what they did, how they acted, and bring that memory to mind.
How do you feel when you think about it? What’s the emotion? Where do you feel it in your body?
Give it an intensity on a 0 to 10 scale, 10 being the most intense. If you can, write down what you’re feeling and the number, as it helps to be able to track your progress.
Now, let’s do some tapping! Tap on the recommended points while repeating the phrases out loud or in your mind:
Side of the Hand: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…I deeply love and accept myself… (or you can simply say, “I’m OK” if love and accepting yourself is too much right now)
Side of the Hand: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…I deeply love and accept myself…
Side of the Hand: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…I deeply love and accept myself…
Eyebrow: I can’t believe they did that
Side of the Eye: I’m so angry
Under the Eye: It’s not right
Under the Nose: It’s not fair
Under the Mouth: And I refuse to let it go
Collarbone: All this anger
Under the Arm: All this ____ (fill in the blank with how you feel)
Top of the Head: In every cell of my body
Eyebrow: I just can’t let this go
Side of the Eye: Because they don’t deserve that
Under the Eye: They don’t deserve my forgiveness
Under the Nose: And I refuse to let it go
Under the Mouth: So much anger
Collarbone: About what happened
Under the Arm: About what they did
Top of the Head: About what they said
Keep tapping on the “negative” or the “truth,” until you find that the intensity has lessened enough that you can say some positive statements, and have them feel fully or at least somewhat true. We tap on the “negative” first to clear this resistance, not to affirm it, but to open up the door for positive thoughts.
You can also simply tap through the points as you think specifically about what they did, what they said, what happened, etc. It can be helpful to imagine it like watching a movie in detail as you keep tapping through the points. Go through as much detail as you can while you keep tapping, with the goal being you can eventually think about the event or the person without heavy resistance coming up.
What’s most important is that you feel the feeling, get specific about what you experienced, and tap until it’s released.
When you’re ready, when it “feels” right, move on to some positive statements.
Eyebrow: Maybe it’s time to let this go
Side of the Eye: I wonder if I can let this go
Under the Eye: What if I can let part of this go
Under the Nose: Releasing this anger
Under the Mouth: From every cell of my body
Collarbone: Letting it go
Under the Arm: Letting it all go
Top of the Head: Right now
Tap through a couple of rounds of positive statements and feel free to add in your own words or affirmations. These are just guidelines to get you started.
When you’re done Tapping, take a deep breath… and let it go. Think of what happened again, and notice how it’s changed. Rate the current intensity on the 0 to 10 scale. Write down your new number.
You can stop Tapping if you’re at a good place, or keep Tapping until you feel a bigger shift.
Remember, forgiveness is a process. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you work through these emotions.
- Instantly reduce anxiety and stress
- Fall asleep faster and sleep better
- Boost productivity, stay motivated
- Relieve chronic or occasional pain
- Release anger, find peace
Tapping for self-forgiveness
Self-forgiveness can be particularly challenging. Here are some affirmations to incorporate into your Tapping routine when working on forgiving yourself:
- “I am worthy of forgiveness and love”
- “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time”
- “I choose to learn from my past and move forward”
- “I am deserving of peace and happiness, no matter what happens in the past”
- “I am learning and growing every day”
- “I release regret and welcome new opportunities”
- “I let go of guilt and acknowledge my growth”
For more affirmations to support Tapping for self-forgiveness, check out our list of 10 Affirmations to Help You Forgive Yourself.
And be sure to go here to do some Tapping to help you love, accept, and forgive yourself.
Forgiving someone else vs. forgiving yourself
These often get tangled: anger at what someone else did, and anger at yourself for not seeing it sooner or reacting the way you did. Tapping works on both. Said plainly: forgiveness is not owed to someone who hurt you, and it never means reconciling, staying in contact, or agreeing what they did was okay. If forgiveness would put your safety at risk, your safety comes first, no exceptions. Tapping can still lower the anger and hurt, whether or not forgiveness enters the picture.
| Moment | Setup statement | Reminder phrase |
|---|---|---|
| Replaying what they did | "Even though I keep replaying what they did, I choose to feel this and let some of it go." | "This replay in my mind." |
| Angry at yourself for not seeing it sooner | "Even though I'm angry at myself, I accept I did the best I could with what I knew then." | "Angry at myself, not just at them." |
A round for both
Rate the intensity of what you're feeling, 0 to 10, before you start.
- Setup 1 (side of hand, repeat 3 times): "Even though I'm still angry at them for what they did, I deeply and completely accept myself."
- Setup 2 (side of hand, repeat 3 times): "Even though I'm not ready to forgive them, and maybe I don't have to yet, I accept where I am right now."
- Setup 3 (side of hand, repeat 3 times): "Even though some of this anger is really about being angry at myself too, I choose to be gentle with both of us."
- Eyebrow: "All this anger I'm still carrying."
- Side of Eye: "About what they did, or what I did."
- Under Eye: "It's not fair, and I don't have to pretend it was."
- Under Nose: "I don't have to forgive them out loud, or even today."
- Under Mouth: "I can just feel this, right here, right now."
- Collarbone: "Some of this weight is mine to put down."
- Under Arm: "Not for them. For me."
- Top of Head: "Choosing to release a little of this today."
Reassess your number. Repeat, naming the specific memory or moment behind the anger, until it eases.
What our data shows
Inside The Tapping Solution App, Releasing Resentment has 101,197 completions, 7.4 to 4.3 (42% drop). Intimate Relationship Support: Opening Up to Forgiveness has 24,989 completions, 6.2 to 3.9, and the Instant Boost of Forgiveness session featured here has 43,751 completions, 6.3 to 3.3. Emotional Freedom (58 sessions) averages 7.0 to 4.1, and Relationships (17 sessions) averages 7.4 to 4.1. This is self-report app data, not a clinical trial.
A 2025 randomized trial gave 98 adults dealing with interpersonal hurts a single online EFT session or a control task, then measured forgiveness, empathy, rumination, and mood. The EFT group showed moderate improvements across most measures (Stapleton, Le Sech, Toussaint & Hsieh, 2025, Cogent Psychology; Evidence Atlas record). In the JMIR mHealth study of 270,461 App users (Church & Stapleton, 2020), one guided session brought anxiety down 44% (about 6.7 to 3.8).
My book Rewired calls this Nervous System Debt: a hurt you push down doesn't disappear because your mind moved on. Your body stores it and it adds up like debt. Tapping helps pay some of that balance down.
Now part of a Medicare program
If carrying this anger has become ongoing anxiety or depression, and you're on Original Medicare, NeuroTap Health, our sister company, offers guided tapping at $0 out of pocket through Medicare's ACCESS Model. Who qualifies.
What people say
No app feedback in our library is tagged to the forgiveness sessions yet, so here are two people tapping through the anger underneath it.
"I went from a 9 to a 0 in one session. I can now go into my day lighter with less tension and no tightness in my chest thinking about past hurts that have continued to anger me."
"I never learned how to deal with anger and it always felt unsafe to feel and acknowledge anger, but with this tapping exercise I can feel safe and acknowledge and feel anger without the fear of not knowing how to handle it."
Go deeper
If the resistance itself needs tapping on first, try a script for when you refuse to forgive, or a guided meditation for releasing resentment. For the self-love side of this work, see Tapping for love.
Embracing forgiveness through Tapping
Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is a gift you give to yourself.
By using EFT Tapping for forgiveness, you have a powerful tool at your disposal to navigate this challenging but rewarding journey.
Remember, as you tap for forgiveness you’re not just letting go of the past: you're opening yourself up to a future filled with more peace, love, and acceptance.
Be patient, stick with it, and trust that the Tapping will guide you to where you want to be.
Ready to dive deeper into Tapping for forgiveness? Download The Tapping Solution App today for guided Tapping meditations on forgiveness and other topics that will help you on your road to healing and letting go.
Here are a few session titles you can choose from when you start Tapping in the app:
- Instant Boost of Forgiveness
- Micro Boost of Forgiveness
- Intimate Relationship Support: Opening up to Forgiveness
- Help Me Let Go of What Someone Else Did
- Help Me Let Go of What Someone Else Said
- “I Refuse to Forgive”
- When Holding onto Upset: Forgiveness Quick Tap (for kids)
As you continue your forgiveness journey, remember the words of Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Through Tapping, you have the power to open that cage and step into freedom.
If you want to go deeper on this in book form, my book The Tapping Solution is a good place to start.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean to tap for forgiveness?
It means tapping on the acupressure points while naming the anger, hurt, or guilt you're carrying, so your nervous system can process it instead of just deciding to move on. The goal isn't to force forgiveness, it's to release enough of the charge that forgiveness, if it comes, feels possible.
Do I have to forgive someone to move on?
No. Tapping can lower the intensity of anger, resentment, and hurt whether or not you ever reach the point of forgiving the person involved. For many people that relief is the real goal, forgiveness is just one possible outcome of it.
Does forgiving someone mean I have to reconcile with them or stay in contact?
No. Forgiveness is not an obligation you owe someone who hurt you, and it never requires staying in contact with someone who is hurting you or excusing what they did. If reaching for forgiveness would put your safety at risk, your safety comes first.
What if I can't forgive myself?
Self-forgiveness often moves slower, because the anger and the person you're angry at live in the same body. Tap on the specific regret, "I did something I regret," not the general feeling of being a bad person.
Is it okay if I never fully forgive someone?
Yes. Some situations may never reach full forgiveness, and that's alright. Tapping can still lower how much the anger or hurt runs your day, even when forgiveness itself stays out of reach.
Is there a free session I can try?
Yes. Instant Boost of Forgiveness is free to try in The Tapping Solution App: start it here.
Until next time… Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner
