Inspiration

Tapping Script: “I Refuse to Forgive”

Written by: Nick Ortner

Don’t be like Fred!

Forgiveness is easy to WANT to do.

Of course we “should” forgive them…but…

There’s often a part of us that says, “No Way” I was wronged, and if I forgive them, I’m condoning the behavior.

And there’s also perhaps a deeper part, rooted in our ancient brain and biology that finds it hard to forgive because of the fear that if we forgive, it’s going to happen again, we’re going to be hurt again and we won’t be SAFE.

This is, where I believe, Tapping comes in so powerfully, because we’re not only addressing the the conscious thinking about it, but the deeper subconscious and biological roots.

So…you can probably think of someone right now that perhaps you want to forgive for what they did. Maybe not 100%, but maybe you want to start.

Can you think of that person?

Good. Get started forgiving them today. Tony Robbins once said, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself” Do it now.

So here’s a tapping script on: “I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…”

First, identify who or what you are having trouble forgiving. Get really specific on what happened, what they said, what they did, how they acted, and bring that memory to mind.

How do you feel when you think of that? What’s the emotion? Where do you feel it in your body?

Give it an intensity on a 0-10 scale, 10 being the most intense. (If you can, write down what you’re feeling and the number, it helps to be able to track your progress)

Let’s do some tapping!

(If you’re not familiar with the tapping process, you can learn more here)

Karate Chop: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…I deeply love and accept myself… (or you can simply say, “I’m OK” if love and accepting yourself is too much right now)

Karate Chop: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…I deeply love and accept myself…

Karate Chop: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to me…I deeply love and accept myself…

Eyebrow: I can’t believe they did that
Side of Eye: I’m so angry
Under Eye: It’s not right
Under Nose: It’s not fair
Under Mouth: And I refuse to let it go
Collarbone: All this anger
Under Arm: All this ____ (fill in the blank with how you feel)
Top of Head: In every cell of my body

Eyebrow: I just can’t let this go
Side of Eye: Because they don’t deserve that
Under Eye: They don’t deserve my forgiveness
Under Nose: And I refuse to let it go
Under Mouth: So much anger.
Collarbone: About what happened
Under Arm: About what they did
Top of Head: About what they said

Keep tapping on the “negative” or the “truth,” until you find that the intensity has lessened enough that you can say some positive statements, and have them feel fully or at least somewhat true. We tap on the “negative” first in order to clear this resistance, not to affirm it, but to open up the door for positive thoughts.

You can also simply tap through the points, as you think specifically about what they did, what they said, what happened.

See the movie in detail, and just keep tapping through the points. Identify other parts of the movie, keep going. You want to be able to think about the event or the person, without heavy resistance coming up.

When you’re ready, when it “feels” right, move on to some positive statements.

Eyebrow: Maybe it’s time to let this go
Side of Eye: I wonder if I can let this go
Under Eye: What if I can let part of this go
Under Nose: Releasing this anger
Under Mouth: From every cell of my body
Collarbone: Letting it go
Under Arm: Letting it all go
Top of Head: Right now

Tap through a couple of rounds of positive statements and feel free to add in your own words or affirmations. These are just guidelines to get you started, what’s most important is that you feel the feeling, get specific about what you experienced, and tap until it’s released.

When you’re done tapping, take a deep breath…and let it go. Think of what happened again, and notice how it’s changed. Write down your new number of intensity. Either stop tapping if you’re at a good place, or keep tapping until it’s fully released.

Until next time…

Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner


What was your experience with this process? How good does it feel to forgive and let go? Comment below, and share this with someone who you know needs it.



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55 Comments on this post

  1. Dilys Browm says:

    Nick not for the first time I think you have saved me. Not young and found my husband cheated on me for years. I was so vengeful bitter hurt and IN PAIN. I need to forgive FOR ME. Thank you Nick going to do this a lot and hopefully feel better.

  2. Sandra Bullinger says:

    What can you say to a male friend of yours that has a little Schnauzer that three weeks ago picked up paper towel and the could not get to it fast enough and sorry now close to home with $9,000 they had surgery last night it’s wrapped around a small intestines he’s going to give a day and night care as if we’re that price you can imagine what kind of good care that dog is been getting so now he can’t forgive himself because she had to be rushed back last night and have the surgery and the fever started up and shave your back into surgery this morning I say four words of comfort to this individual

    • Nick Ortner says:

      I’m not sure I understand your question, Sandra, but it sounds like it was just simply an accident. We all make mistakes. Some are small things, others are more costly. I’d introduce Tapping to him and help him get through this trying time. 🙂

  3. Donna Vandenbrink says:

    Thanks Nick Great tapping onto week 2

  4. Donna Vandenbrink says:

    Hi Nick
    Great tapping.
    I have a really hard time letting things go .
    I have been treated like crap for a very long time at work. Off right now due to feet trouble and thyroid issues. I need that all mighty pay cheque. Don’t have the confidence to move on. Also, reading a Wayne Dyer Erroneous Zone book.

    • Nick Ortner says:

      Wayne’s books are so great for getting in touch with yourself, Donna. Sounds like you’re ready to make some changes. 🙂

  5. Tanuja says:

    Thank you Nick. This was timely. My energy increased after a few rounds of tapping. I felt the shift. I have an event today and know the situation will be repeated again. But I will tap and reset so I can be my best self and leave my baggage behind at some point on this subject. God bless!

    • Nick Ortner says:

      That’s great, Tanuja! One step at a time. You may also find that when we do this tapping to diffuse our emotions and let go, others may respond in kind.

  6. Karen L says:

    The timing of this script is beyond expression for me. wonder if the same
    one can be used for self forgiveness? we are painting the canvas after
    all.

  7. Cate says:

    My mother was the monster that I was afraid of all my life. She was supposed to keep me safe from things in life that would hurt me but she wasn’t able to keep me safe from her. She taught me to hate myself and disapprove of myself so deeply until it was in my core. I have spent my entire life in recovery from the damage. I have dedicated my life to seeking true love not only within myself, for myself, but in the world. I feel broken most of the time. Tapping has helped me to heal much of the pain, hurt, anger against my father for refusing to see, for my mother for not being able to love herself and not being able to love me. The pain stops here. I will not pass this to my children. I am learning to love myself and heal. Thank you Nick for having the courage and faith to take actions which resulted in bringing tapping to so many people. The tapping on the negative to release the resistance which then helps to clear the blocks and opens me to receiving healing, love, wealth, goodness, approval, courage, peace, self-love, and trust of the universe (spirit) and myself, truly works in a tremendous life changing way. Thank you Nick.

  8. Delphine Howard says:

    Thanks Nick
    I was in the midst of an unsettling Crisis when I read this my heart was heavy ,I was having chest pains
    My boyfriend did not come home last night no call No text it had me worried tapping realeaed my frustrations
    I was still Angry with about 10-20 individuals @ my Former Job @ the USPS as a Supervisor Distribution Service who refused to give me a Job Assignment off the work room floor after I was found to be Allergic to Ink £ Volumes of dust but accommodated other Supervisors for whatever the case was however after tapping £ thinking it thru it was the best thing that ever happened Health Wise
    I found myself also forgiving my 1st ex Husband for excessive cheating which led to a Divorce
    My 2nd Ex Husband for putting Sugar in a Brand New Car
    I just Tapped until I was emotional tired £ drained which I always use Tapping to help resole issues £ Challenges but this time I knew how to separate myself from them
    THANKS Again I really appreciated this Session

  9. Shirley says:

    Sometime. I Get so. Caught. Up in rage. And anger. ..by. Being let. Down in. Relationships.. I show love. By doing for. People. This. Does. Not. Make me a. Doormat. It givers me pride. To see the oerson. I love. Looking happy. Tidy. And clean. As I feel its a refelection. On me as a mom. But the. Young people today. Mistake. Love and caring. For slavery.mentality. so in the. End I down. Tools And I let. Them Get on. With it. When they. Don’t have the. Favourite. Shirt. And jeans. Ready. They. Soon appreciate what you do for them. They. Go on like. We. Are old. And on the shelf. But they. Need us. More than we need them. They are just. Young people. Trying to act as adults. . Give people what they. Want. Why fight. And get yourself. Upset over selfish kids .

  10. Shrley says:

    I must. Confess. The. First time.j did. This. I was mad as bell at two..people. .I felt they had let me down. And were. Very. Fickle people. . But as. Soon as I did it. I started. Laughing. And even manage. To hug One of the people involved

  11. Donna says:

    Thank you for the tapping on forgiveness, it is helping, I still have a ways to go.

  12. Kris, in New England says:

    I’ve tried Tapping here and there; get some decent results. But then, this past weekend, my husband betrayed me with repeated lies, deceit and concealment – all related to finances. I know that I must forgive him – we love each other and our 32 year marriage can’t end because of this, it’s ridiculous to allow that. But how to forgive him when I feel so broken? Then I read this article – and plan to print out the instructions so I can follow them in as many quiet moments as I need to both forgive him in my heart, and forgive him to his face. Thank you.

  13. kirsty says:

    This whole system is amazing. The health benefits I got from just letting go of all the tension are amazing. really understand now that Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person or situation but everything to do with myself. That its really myself I’m forgiving myself in a strange way. That’s how I feel anyhow, guess everyone will be different. Personally this works for me, thank you so much for this!!!!

  14. Mei says:

    Love it ,, I have followed your script also added some of my own ,tailored to suit my personal need. Amazing result. Thank you very much.

  15. Marilyn says:

    Thanks Nick. Have only just tried it but need to do more. Thank you so much for the words – it’s so important to have the right words isn’t it? Those that resonate. I also agree with Linda’s comments.

    I’ve kept a secret for years to protect members of my birth family but my anger has seeped out and poisoned some of my relationships. I’ve realised lately that I’m less tolerant of those closest to me and that’s where my anger goes. I tried to forgive but my anger and resentment remained. I’m essentially a good person so always feels guilty when I hold these toxic feelings to colour my thoughts. Yet when I tap on an incident it’s hard for me to access my true feelings. They seem buried deep Perhaps part of me has dissociated.

  16. Tapping M says:

    Thanks ever so much for sharing this tapping script, Nick. The words you provided were good places to “jump from” & expand forgiveness (for me for an unfinished surgery issue I’ve had going on for months). The release of negative energy is a gift we all need to live better.

  17. Cheryl says:

    I have been holding on to self guilt for years from a situation that I created over 30 years ago. Rarely a day goes by that I don’t think about it. On the way home from work this evening I wondered if there was a tapping script for “self” forgiveness. I was grateful to have received this and will continue to use it and hopefully will learn to forgive and find release and peace. Thank You!

  18. Bernadette Wulf says:

    We all have people in our lives who have caused us pain. Sometimes it is hard to let it go. This is a handy EFT script to help do just that. Let it go, forgive, and move on. Take a deep breath. Ah… that feels better.

  19. Carol says:

    During the tapping, I saw that part of my identity has been wrapped up in “being the wronged one.” What would I do without this as part of my story? I saw how I try to keep people around by “making them indebted to me.” So moving the anger revealed fear of being alone and unable to be secure. So the tapping moved from anger, to hurt, to fear, to possibility, to willingness, to hope. Thank you! This was the perfect way to start this day.

  20. Anne-Sophie says:

    I also work with the Journey. Brandon bays and there the client will actually say the words I forgive you. This is powerful and different from just to say i will let it go.
    What do you think?

  21. Heidi Rice says:

    I will try this and report back. EFT works for me and it’s amazing.

  22. Chérie says:

    Beverly James ‘I deserve the freedom from this anger’. Wow, thank you for that!

  23. Jean says:

    When I said “from every cell in my body” in a big voice I felt something shift then.My little dog has a burst abscess and it is draining….sorry about that graphic picture….but it helped me to let the poison of my hurt go from every cell in my body

  24. Frances says:

    Thanks, Nick. You’re the greatest and this helped me enormously!

  25. Dwight Mogge says:

    Tapping helped me to let go of a hurt.

  26. Beverly James says:

    This helped me tremendously to let go of the hurt & anger I had especially over a certain betrayal that was keeping me awake at night. I added this to my tapping
    “What they did to me was NOT FAIR! But it isn’t fair for me to hold onto my anger because I am only hurting myself even more. I choose to forgive them for my own sake. I deserve the freedom from this anger.”
    This was such an amazing release! I recommend it to everyone!

  27. Sharm says:

    amazing release. Thank you so much Nick 🙂

  28. Trudi says:

    i began and more came up ( you knew it would didn’t you>) I think i will be tapping on 47 years worth of resentment for all the lies forever! but It does help to say it out loud and I do feel the beginnings of change

  29. laila says:

    im tapping im ok for awhile then angry againb,,tapping n tapping still working on it looool

  30. Kathy says:

    Thank you for sharing your gift.. it is so amazing and WORKS! Thank you for writing out the process. I have referred back to it when I felt those nasty feelings come back and try to make me feel worthless.. you restored my soul… thank you..

  31. Valerie says:

    Really needed this today – I so appreciate your blogs, Nick.
    Have only started using Tapping since early this year but have incorporated it into my toolkit for working with anxiety and panic attacks.
    Thanks again,
    Valerie

  32. Sue says:

    Does not work for me. Come to my house and HELP

  33. Diana says:

    Thanks a lot is very useful… but there’s a change you can make a script for tappong for release guilt an forgiving ourself?
    Thanks a lot 🙂

  34. shirley jones says:

    oh my god. i did this tap. i was mad at my son for doing something . Also mad at his friend for being so soft on him for what he did. i did the tap. within 5 minutes. i went from mad to happy i was happy. listening to songs about love. Although i wanted to be really angrry for his stupidity. I felt affection for him. And was affectionate with him. he will always do stupid things. Its how i react to them that matters.

  35. Robyn Hope says:

    My parents ruined my life – the way my life is today has everything to do with the way they raised me – EVERYTHING !!!
    How can I forgive that ???

  36. Linda says:

    A few thoughts about forgiveness . . . as a therapist I find that it is essential to talk to people about the meaning of forgiveness. When a person has suffered deep emotional injury and/or physical injury at the hands of an uncaring other, it is important that they understand forgiveness not as “pardon” or “absolution” (the first definitions in most dictionaries) but as “to cease to feel resentment against” (Random House’s 4th definition). In this way Forgiveness equals Freedom rather than granting pardon to someone who has behaved in unconscionable ways.

    And so many times well meaning folks tell the injured person that it is best if they just forgive and forget. It becomes a “should” on the level of a moral imperative. It becomes a judgment against the person if he or she has not forgiven the transgressor and that becomes a secondary injury of blame and guilt that the wounded person carries on top of the original wound. Just another way of blaming the victim.

    The injured person had no control over what happened. Part of healing is to take back control and personal power. This means choosing the pace and path of their healing journey. Healing is the goal and cessation of pain, anger and resentment are the result. “Forgiveness” is optional.

    And one last thought . . . I teach Tapping to many clients and I’ve found that if I expected them to say “I deeply and completely love and accept myself” they would ditch me as a therapist. It is too glaringly far from their current reality. Some of them can barely say “I’m okay” at first. But Tapping is such a great tool that if one taps on the negative feelings while saying only “I’m okay” at the end of the sentence, it still works wonderfully well. It’s tapping out the negative feelings that clears the issue not fancy positive affirmations. The positive is a natural progression that doesn’t need to be scripted when the negative emotions are accepted and processed. The freed emotional energy naturally seeks a higher level.

    Thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts and thanks as well for all the good work that you do in helping others.

  37. Louise says:

    Like Helen, the two people I need to forgive are now gone; the first being my mother who basically rejected me even before she abandoned the family when I was nine. Then there’s my grandfather who took advantage of me and molested me from the time I was a child until he died when I was a teen. Both of these relationships have had a negative impact on my life (though I’m a glass half full type person and have a sunny disposition).

    I want to forgive them and tell myself that I do forgive, but I’m having a hard time letting go. I don’t like my feelings of guilt when I have unkind thoughts about my mother especially. I think I would benefit from a tapping coach.

  38. Helen says:

    The two people that I need to for give are now gone, and I want to forgive them and keep telling myself that I do forgive, but am having a hard time forgetting. How can I lessen this guilt?

  39. April says:

    I found this just when I needed it. I just got hooked by my newly divorced ex. As happy as I am in my new life, he can lite me into an inferno in an instant. Years of being belittled and treated like I was worthless I got into a pattern of defending myself and having to come up with reasons of why I do anything. I felt everything I did or said was challenged. There was no respect or value in what I had to say yet he always asked for it then debunked my thinking. It was too “positive” or I was too “American”. He is from Italy. I have tapped on forgiveness and my anger with him the past. And when I get to a certain point I realize that I am angry and sad and can’t forgive myself for fighting back. There was no winning with him. He will never see my beauty and worth. But I thought that since he said he lived me he must somehow see it.
    This tapping I will have to now do over on me. I need to forgive myself and let go of the hurt I put myself through because apparently I didn’t think highy enough of myself to get married to him in the first place and trying to prove myself worthy to him over and over to no avail.
    Thank you Nick. Your tapping summit three years ago, jump started my new life to where I am today. Happy, healing and now forgiving.

  40. Kevin says:

    This is amazing. I did one round of positive tapping, and was trying to decide whether to do another one and the phone rang. It was the person I was forgiving, and they wanted to talk to me.

  41. Angela Birazzi-Adelman says:

    I want to personally thank you for sharing this — very powerful. I especially liked the detailed instructions on how to do this particular tapping. Explaining the nuance of this tapping is what’s needed to really get it. Very healing & transforming. I’m deeply interested in healing processes — tapping continues to be very effective. It has brought me peace of mind after 1/2 century of negative thinking that ruined my health. Lately though, I haven’t felt as good as I do now! Hoping to move on to identify & arrive at a fulfilling job that makes money to pay my bills and give a portion to families that need help. In the meantime, best to you!

  42. Dalana says:

    A number of years ago I was very ill and bedridden. I had an incredible dog, only 5 years old. My best friend was looking after him. I started having visions of him running frantically through the forest and I told my mother about it and we went to where he was. He jumped in my truck and let out a huge sigh. I went in the house and ‘they’ (my best friend, her husband, and my mother) decided the dog should be put down. I protested but I was so weak with the illness I found I couldn’t stand up to them and the friend and husband took him while I had to drive back with my mother.
    I tried the tapping on this: so far it hasn’t budged me a bit from my feelings and I will have to work on it for some time: the heart-pain, the anguish, the anger, the bitterness. The dog was the best friend and companion I ever had. They killed him.
    I have carried that pain (it surfaces now and again) since 1979. I want to let it go. I will work on it.

  43. Betty says:

    Just an editing comment. The set-up statement should be “though” and not “thought”. No biggie to people familiar with set-up statements, but newbies might be confused. LOVE your articles, and love the work you’re doing to share tapping with us. It’s SO amazing!

  44. Bobbie Horowitz says:

    As per usual – using your tapping suggestions I felt actual muscles relax and it almost felt as though certain organs – like my heart – were relaxing. I don’t know whether humans physically feel organs, however that’s what it felt like to me. I hadn’t thought of using taping before, for the specific situation I used if for today. I’m enjoying the smile that’s coming across my face. Letting the person go was as good as “getting back at them” and, even better because it leaves me with no quilt.
    Thank you!

  45. Deborah says:

    Thank you, Nick, for coming through yet again during a challenging time. The forgiveness challenge for me was way beyond a 10, and affecting my daily life and relationship. I ran through the Tapping routine you just posted and found the weight of the cellular memory to dissipate. My day is brighter from your gift. Thank you & many blessings. Warmly, Deb

  46. Tammy says:

    This was a huge one for me. I have been attempting to forgive some old wounds that I know I was still hanging on to with bitterness.

    Some things that came up for me when I started working on this forgiveness script, hopefully these will help others who are having these same difficulties with forgiveness.

    -discovering why I couldn’t hold on to my feelings of anger & outrage long enough to tap on them & release (I had been taught that anger was bad & unsafe by a rage-aholic parent who would get angry if I expressed that emotion)–I tapped on that childhood belief & released it

    -discovering that I had feelings that I didn’t matter (stemming from an alcoholic family that was preoccupied with its own issues), so once I acknowledged that it did matter what happens to me & that I had a right to feel upset, it helped

    -finally, discovering that I was holding on to guilt about the situation (even though it was really clear that I was not responsible, I grew up in a Catholic family, always believing that I had to be so holy & perfect & that if there was conflict, that I must be partially to blame because more was expected from me & if I had been a better, more holy, person, then I could have prevented it. Once I tapped on this, I saw that I was meant to be honored & to honor myself & my feelings. It’s okay to be outraged sometimes, and it is not praise-worthy to dishonor myself by not sticking up for my boundaries.

    Once I tapped on this, I saw a couple of things clearly… that this difficulty was a gift, an opportunity to accept that I DO MATTER & my feelings are wonderful indicators of when something is not okay.

    I also saw that the thing I had been hanging on to, once I learned what I needed to, really didn’t have anything to do with me any longer, and it was time to let go.

  47. Myrna says:

    This is great, however, how can you forgive someone who is mistreating someone you love, not yourself, and there is no reason to feel this is going to change? I can’t forgive two of my siblings for how they have treated and continue to treat my mother. Thank you.

  48. Diane says:

    Thank you so much for this. I did forgiveness on my Old boyfriend who had betrayed me both personally and professionally, and sabotaged my career. I worked through issues of anger and unhealthy self-destructive ways in which I have been trying to protect myself ever since, particularly over eating and not dating for over five years. I ended up going from an 8 to a 4, and finished with feelings of sadness. I realized that I needed to separate my intense feelings from my thoughts about him, and also to separate him from his illness. Finally realized I needed to separate myself from his illness, and realize that I can live my life without fear of either his illness or anyone else’s actions. Being left with just sadness make me realize that there is grief under the anger, and that grief and sadness is appropriate at the end of a long relationship. I would like to work on the grief and sadness next, because it really is time to let him go. Thank you.

  49. ariela says:

    wonderful key for forgiving
    thanks Nick

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