Grief Hurts…

Written by: Nick Ortner

Woman conteplatingGrief…

We’ve all experienced it in some way, and we’re sure to experience it again…

It’s part of the ebb and flow of life.

But sometimes, it seems like too much to handle.

Whether you are experiencing some current grief from a recent loss, or have a past experience that you haven’t fully resolved, this audio is sure to change your life.

Jessica had the opportunity to conduct a beautiful, informative, and powerful interview with Carol Look on how to use Tapping to process grief.

It was originally meant to be a Tapping Insiders Club exclusive, but so many people have asked for information on this subject, that we made it available to everyone.

Block out the time to listen to it right away. It’s that important.

Here it is:

Right Click and “Save” Here to Download This Audio

Right Click and “Save” Here to Download PDF Transcript

Until next time…

Keep Tapping!


How do you feel after listening to this interview and tapping on your grief? Please leave your comments below.

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149 Comments on this post

  1. […] Nick Ortner’s audio lesson and EFT guidance on processing grief […]

  2. ap says:

    this is just what I need for my sister to hear. Thank you every so much.

  3. Amy says:

    Thank you! Recently got a divorce, also lost a large client 2 years ago. I’ve be in shock and grief for a long time and beating myself up! This made me feel better!

  4. Laura Agnerian says:

    Indeed a powerful interview’ … Grateful I was guided to this page and listened to the wise and much needed words by Carol Look’ specially about grief and guilt’ with self blame and deep remorse in my case’ after the recent death of my husband of almost 45 years …

    Laura …

  5. betsy bergquist says:

    8 months ago I lost my husband of 62 years. We were very close and as therapists did workshops together. I have been doinglots of crying but I am also experiencing this lightheadedness. I take ativan 1 gm twice a day and would like to get off of it but it helps my lightheadeness. I am a very active and healthy 85 yr. do you work with people like me on the phone? I have been tapping for about 6 years and very familiar with the process,

  6. Bess says:

    Very meaningful…Guilt was huge and being stuck…Didn’t even realize I was unconsciously grieving – Now can use this for unpleasantly retirement with former staff and coworkers…THANKS SO MUCH

  7. Lisa Davis says:

    Yvonne Evans, thank you so much for your comment. I hope that you and I can connect. I’m very interested in learning more about how you seek to use tapping. I feel the exact same way. I don’t want to live in a world that ignores the realities for so many other people. I refuse to ignore the injustices and the history of the country that I am living in. I want to engage in practices that takes those realities head on! There are people living in war torn countries, in large part due to US policies and capitalism. (And yes, I know the US is not the only corrupt government, but it’s the only country I live in.) I want to hear about tapping for those who suffer the consequences of racial inequities and for those who have lived the benefits of such equities and bout tapping to change the social structures that enable those realities to exist. I want to hear more about tapping for people who are living in countries being destroyed by war! I want to know more about people who live in extreme poverty tapping to change the system that produces such poverty. I do believe in energy medicine, for I have experienced some of the most profound physical changes while using it. But I want to see the conversations of tapping expand beyond the box every day things that happen to everyone that transcends race and class (ie. dying, depression and job loss — and yes, I am going through grief right now, so I definitely need it for that.). People who the in the US live in parallel universes based on the paradigm of RACIST PATHOLOGY, and RACE and class. I seek to learn more about tapping to challenge those horrible realities and injustices.

  8. Stella Dichiera says:

    Thank you for sharing this interview. It was very helpful and I will listen to it a few more times. It made a lot of sense and it brought up a number of different losses I have had in my life. I particularly liked the explanation about how the loss can manifest somewhere in the body. Thanks again. Keep up the work that you’re doing.

  9. Sara says:

    Thank you Carol, Jessica and Nick for this profoundly moving and helpful session on grief. I’ve been struggling with the loss of my son Benjamin to miscarriage during the 18th week of my pregnancy. The two year anniversary of this loss was just one week ago and I can’t tell you how badly I was in need of this, the posting on FB was so timely. I’ve done well with permitting myself to cry or feel however I needed to feel during this time of grieving, but I’ve always struggled to put words to my loss and feelings. I now feel like I have a much clearer understanding of just how many levels and emotions with which we process grief. Two pieces that I had never considered to be so deeply connected to my grief was the guilt and also the trauma. I was so deeply traumatized by the memories surrounding the moment that I found out that I lost my son. Today I thought of all of the details of that moment that have just been too difficult to relive and as I tapped and sobbed, my body contorted in a strange and foreign way, I believe a deep release of this deeply held grief and trauma. I feel better for having expressed that and look forward to revisiting these tapping scripts to help further my healing. Carol, thank you also for talking about the well meaning but hurtful comments, I received so many of those. I truly believe that the power of presence and the ability to hold space for those who are grieving is a far greater gift than anything that you can say. Deepest gratitude to you all and wishing much love and healing to all of those who are grieving their own loss.

  10. Dor says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  11. Carol Phillips says:

    Wow!! Thank you Carol!! I first started tapping about 6 months ago, with the help of Jessica and Nick, trying to get through the extreme grief after losing my son to a tragic car accident. But there wasn’t anything specific about grief. I have been struggling with PTSD from the shock from the circumstances surrounding the accident. This interview has touched me deeply. Carol, you have touched on each and every aspect of what I’m dealing with, including hypochondria from all the “issues” that my body is dealing with from the pain-both emotional AND physical!!! God Bless you and how you are helping myself and others as we travel this journey called grief!! Just hearing from others that these feelings are “normal” is a huge step in my healing process!!
    Many Thanks,
    Carol Phillips

  12. Nancy says:

    Thanks for this timely link. I was up many hours last night grieving before finally catching an hour or two of sleep. This gift (the e-mail and link) came at the exact moment I needed it. I’ve bookmarked the link, downloaded the audio and the transcript and know I will be turning to it for continuing help.

  13. Della says:

    ask and the teacher shall appear? thank you for sending this to me today. today marks the 5th anniversary of my son’s death at the age of 19. His younger cousin got married this week and i was unable to attend the celebration for fear of ruining this day for others because of my feelings of being cheated and being down right angry. Thank you for this glimmer of light. as i move towards processing these feelings i know i am not alone and that my grief has many layers. life changes as a result of loss in many ways. i thank you for your gift to me this day

  14. Sherry says:

    Wow. I just re-read the transcript of the interview with Carol Look and used her tapping script as a springboard to tap on my own grief. I tapped on my only son’s death at the age of two, 36 years ago, and did several rounds on the death of my loving husband, just two years ago. I have been tapping on the grief of these losses ever since I learned of tapping through the 2014 World Tapping Summit, and I have found tapping to be tremendously healing and helpful. The same is true of the tapping I did today using Carol Look’s interview. What was especially surprising and gratifying today was what happened when, towards the end of the interview, Carol Look said:

    So it’s a part of life, but boy can the tapping really, really help us with that sharpness and moving through, and being able to tolerate the feelings and accepting yourself, and accepting the truth, which many of us don’t want to accept at the time, which is, “Are you kidding? This can’t be possible.” And again that often happens when people who are younger die. You know or if there was an accident, “it’s just not possible. It’s not possible that this person who was sixteen died.”

    When I read that last line, I was suddenly hit with grief for a boy I had dated in high school who had died in a car accident when he was only sixteen. I had one date with him, and didn’t even get a chance to know him. At the time, the shock of his death translated into fear that I would be killed in a car wreck, too, a fear I still have to this day. His death was so overwhelming, I didn’t know how to process it. I must have kept it inside me all these years because the grief and overwhelm surfaced today (46 years later!), and hit me with surprising force. With the help of tapping, I was able to let myself feel it. Wow. It remains to be seen if this will have any effect on my fear of car wrecks, but at least I was able to remember and mourn David.

    I just want to thank you, Carol, and Jessica and Nick, and all of you at The Tapping Solution, once again for all the wonderful work you are doing. I am amazed at how much tapping has helped me in the few short months since I began using it.

    Very sincerely,

  15. Karen Perrella says:

    I am deeply grateful for your generosity in making available Jessica’s interview
    with Carol Look on the subject of grief. It was an unexpected & most timely and needed resource. It is nothing less than a treasure, outstanding in its depth & breath of human insight, understanding, and wisdom. Carol, thank you for sharing your personal experience with grief to help us understand and live with our own. This is an invaluable gift.

  16. Donna says:

    This could not have come at a better time! I could not figure out my grumpy mood today until I realized it is my Dad’s birthday. He passed last August at the age of 95. I miss him terribly today. Thank you.

  17. Name (required) says:

    My husband Tony died by suicide 8 months ago today. He shot himself in the head in the bedroom while I was in the living room. He was ill for ten years and didn’t want to live anymore. Some days I am ok but days like today I am not. I also lost my brother when I was 16 and he was 17 and lost my Mom 2 years ago next month. We were very close. I have bouts od insomnia and now have not slept in 3 nights. I have been to Greif counseling and I also have your book. The Tapping Solution but haven’t used it much yet. I do meditate daily and have been for about 20 years. Some days nothing helps.

    Thank you
    Sharon Guttilla

  18. Judy says:

    To Nick, Carol and Jessica – Thank you so much for this session. I cried through almost all of it. I lost my sweet husband, Don, 23 weeks ago. I am feeling everything that you said: heartbreak, so lost, very lonely, lots of grief, disoriented, shock, guilt, crying all the time. Only those who have gone through the loss of a loved one can understand and sympathize with others who have also experienced a terrible loss. I will continue to practice the “tapping” and hopefully, eventually, will start to feel the positive effects someday soon. Thank you again for allowing me to listen to this…I will pull it up and listen to it again from time to time. God bless you all.

  19. Mary Pat C. says:

    Thank you so much Nick and Jessica and Carol for this beautiful powerful interview and tapping practice on grief. It has been so beneficial to me. I suddenly lost my beautiful 23 year old daughter 9 months ago… So timely and the best grief “advice” I have heard!! Thank you Nick for making this interview available and Jess and Carol, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Blessings to you all!

  20. june says:

    I just found this looking through your blog and am so glad I did. I lost my husband of 36 years suddenly and traumatically in june of 2012. I am really having a hard time with it such a total change of life and have really had the feelings of not wanting to go on and live through all of this! Hope this helps!

  21. Season says:

    During a recent struggle with a relationship ending because of betrayal, Carol’s interview opened me up to accept the grief I had been trying to hide and the constant ruminating that was tearing me up. I tapped along with her through the interview and afterwards I was able to lay on the couch and allow myself to cry. I especially was encouraged that I could just tap with my emotions. While I have been going through my own script, it felt empowering to just tap as well. Thanks for this great tool!

  22. mary says:

    I really needed this I would like help, my daughter suffered a loss at 7 months she had a stillborn little girl called BLISS we were all left shattered as she has already suffered 3 miscarraiges before this, everything was fine the pregnancy was going well, then she went for a check up to be told the baby had died.
    the grief i have for the loss of my grand daughter was immense i appear to be dealing with this however, i cant seem to deal with the hurt i feel for my daughter a whole different los, i feel her pain so much and this is so difficult to cope with the tapping helps but i get so emotional i cant speak should i just keep tapping and just let the emotuions flow?

  23. cat says:

    i’ve been born to a grief filled life which for a master angelic is not easy lol!!! my mom hated me and told me, my entire childhood was filled with loss, death and physical abuse…while i became an astrologer and channeled the AM’s all my life – losing my dad to cancer, my brother to ALS, my husband to cancer, my career in mortgage banking and then my good credit and the comfort of my family who decided i wasn’t worth the ‘trouble’ of helping me and my 12 yr old grieve, instead we were faced with bankruptcy, survival level fear, and the ‘system’ gave us ONE week…the first year was a blur…everything carol says is correct…there is only the way that is good for our selves…and the system will run you over if you don’t explain – and even when you do most don’t seem to care….so getting selfish and pampering yourself and doing what you need to do by not ‘SHOULDING ON YOURSELF’ AND TAP YOUR ASH OFF!!! IT’S AWESOME!!!!! THANK YOU!!!

  24. helen gauhl says:

    Dear Jess,
    Watching snowed in I noticed how very beautiful you are. I seem to have a higher awareness now. Thanks for your beauty and love.
    Love Helen Gauhlxxx

  25. Diane Kuefler says:

    Nick & Jessica,
    You did a wonderful job on The 2011 Summit.
    Thank you… Thank you…Thank you…
    Invaluable information and is greatly appreciated.

    I just wanted to share a few quotes with you…

    Our Own Conscience is The Key to Our Life Persuit.

    What makes a person brave is…. Not letting their fears stop them…

    The kept coming forward in my mind as I was learning from you,
    I am meant to share them with you…

    Once again many Thanks,
    With Love

  26. Tom says:

    Thanks to Jessica and Carol for an excellent audio presentation on grief. I don’t think the tapping part will help me,but the just the audio of how Carol dealt with her grief was a big help. As my email shows I WILL miss my Tina forever. My wife had myotonic dystrophy and was confined to a wheelchair for 18 out of the 31 years that we were married. I cared for her all of those years and had to put her into a “long term care” hospital in our state. I built my life around her and when she died I found myself “drowning” in a sea of grief!! I am currently going to a “grief ” workshop at the local VA hospital but this video and some of the other videos from Jack Canfield and others have helped alot!

  27. Debby says:

    Thank you Jessica & Carol. I’m currently assisting a Mum that has recently lost her son through suicide. Excellent words of advise from Carol – thank you again. My client was told by a professional person that her son was selfish. Imagine how this mum feels now? Will post again once I’ve worked a few tapping sessions with her. Just for reference. I did tapping on the school children that are good friends with this lad and it was awesome the results I got from the tapping with these students. Not only did we shift the grieving but also dealt with past traumas successfully as well. Brilliant interview – highly recommended! Brightest Blessings..

  28. trudy says:


    YOU have been one of my favorite EFT masters since the beginning.
    Now that I know more of you personally—I am in awe of how in touch you
    are with the power of grief to affect one’s whole being, personal dynamics.

    I felt like a zombie after losing my Neely who had just turned 5 to a genetic disease
    I had never heard of. Since 1987 I have had a broken heart, lack of memory, and guilt
    of not doing right by her body or learning her soul’s journey purpose….
    I had great releases through the connection you offered from your first hand
    experiance…I will use my EFT more for sure now…..god bless you and your wonderful young sister’s….journeys…and THANK good for EFT…..INternational Peace day means even more now today for me………

  29. Mary says:

    Thank you so very much for Carol Look’s interview, “Grief Hurts.”At times during your talk I was aware of old pains that wanted to encroach even on this learning process and could tap with you. Her compassion and kind words, even while she is still experiencing the pain over your sister’s death, is profound. Peace to you.

  30. Eric Snyder says:

    This is a great resource for… well… for just about anyone. Managing this process is one of life’s inevitables.

    I’ve made the link to my Calendarwallah blog above. This is important because today, Friday Aug 13th, 2010 is a date when other cultures take some time to remember ancestors:

    Obon – Japan
    It is celebrated in honour of their deceased ancestors. Japanese light lanterns and hold circular folk dances.

    Vietnamese call it Vu Lan. Known as Wandering Souls Day, offerings of food are prepared, shoes and dresses made of paper along with votive papers are burned in homes and pagodas for the dead and for the wandering souls who have no families.

    Chinese name it Chung Yuan or Feast of Lonesome Souls where food is laid out and money is burnt for the souls.

  31. Kim says:

    I do not believe in a Hell, however it is the word I think of when I attempt to explain my life since November 1, 2003 when my daughter died instantly, thank God, when she was hit, head on, at 65 mph. I have four other children. The next month my uncle crossed over after a horrible battle with lung cancer. Two weeks later, his wife, my aunt, of the same. The following month a neighbor and good friend who took care of us for two weeks after our daughter died, joined her after an accident on his motorcycle. Two weeks later my dog of 15 years needed to cross over as well. We could see it in his eyes.m The next three months we lost two of my husband’s co-workers. One to brain cancer, one on a four wheeler in the mountains of Colorado, our home. I then lost my job which I loved dearly as the company had to shut down as so many have. I took a break for a breather and traveled to visit friends in Florida. On my way to spread some of my daughter’s ashes on the beach, while stopped at a red light, I was hit from behind and now have cadaver bone and titanium holding my neck together. While waiting for a decision on surgery, I was able to work with a list of restrictions. I was counting candy bars for invetory for a chocolate company. While standing in a lower end department store doing just that, 66 bottles, 20 oz. each = 130 lbs, I weigh 104) of a sports drink fell on my left soulder, from, behind and off a tall, unsecured pallet. Since then, I have broken two ribs, the sacrum of my lower spine, my right ankle and just last Sunday, my left leg. My marriage ended, my friends were not able to stay with me and support me, my worker’s comp pay was suddenly cut off at the end of June, and the person I was room mates with (a best friend for 36 years), suffering from the disease of alcoholism, simply left half way through our lease. I know that every morning when I wake up, if it is light out, that means the sun is somewhere and it is a good day. I am unable to work, unable to pay my bills, and have to decide: food or gas to get to Dr. Appointments…fascinated by this opportunity, I wondered if anyone, anywhere, would feel comfortable letting me borrow this documentary film. I am good, I understand that I am moving to a new season of my life, yet I currently need all the help I can get. I commit to returning it to you in a reasonable time frame. I grieve daily for the loss of the tangible, yet I also feel that most of what I have been through I have handled well. I would hate for my current medical conditions be on a mom with toddlers at home, or a single dad with kids to raise. I am alone, I am free to take it on and it feels as though I am helping…in some odd way.
    Okay, so that is my dissertation…I would love your feedback and I am hoping that at some point I might learn the techinques.
    Peace to all…..
    Kim now living on the gulf coast of Florida..okay to have my e-mail:

  32. Eleanor says:

    Carol, Jess and Nick – thank you so much for making this audio and transcript freely available. It is really generous of you and I found it so helpful. The sensible, clear way in which Carol speaks about the grieving process is the most articulate, comforting and understanding description I have heard. Thanks for being so open about your own experience.
    Best wishes to all of you from a very grateful listener.

  33. Aimee Scanlon says:

    Hi guys,

    amazing piece of audio. Thank you so much for sharing it – really helpful as a personal tool on my own journey.

    angel hugs to you all
    Aimée (Ireland)

  34. DJ says:

    I lost my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, he committed suicide. I had broken up with him and asked him to leave my home. We had been together for 6 years. He had been in a bad depression for over a year after losing a job he had been at for 19 years. He had been laid off several times and was just beaten down. I just got tired of the doom and gloom everyday. Also his brother committed suicide 6 months ago, which he was so distraught over. I feel guilty cause the day we broke up is when he did it. He gave me little warnings but I thought he was being dramatic. He said if I go, you will never see me again, nor will anyone else. I feel I could have prevented this if I had paid attention. If I had known, I would take it all back, I did love him. I listened to the grief audio and it did help. Thank you very much, DJ

  35. Tereza says:

    Hi, Nick, Jessica
    Thank you so much for giving me chance to listened on the Tapping process on griefing with
    Carol Look. Infact I lost my elder sister last year in january I didn’t believed because three days befor her death she called me from Africa and we talked, but she wasn’t sick strong woman went to wrok in morning and in the evening she died without any sickness it was a shocking to me because I did talked to her that’s what hurts me the most, For almost two year I weaked up at three in morning and never sleep again, but when I got the email with griefing process I Tapped along with Jessica, two days now I weaked at mid night and go back to sleep normal thank you so much Carol Look and Jessica, I don’t know what to say and give
    But God is great.

  36. Jane says:

    My mother died July 21, 2002. Today (July 19th) is her birthday. She would have been 83 today. My grief is and has been so intense. Thank you so very much for this transmission. Your validations have been invaluable to me. My emotional pain still exists. Well-meaning people have said various things to me throughout the years, and no one has really addressed the fact that grief is individual, there are no rules, loss is loss and can be painful, and there is no “getting over it.” Yes, we move on. Holidays are still difficult for me and I still cry. Grieving for me is and has been a process and at least I don’t cry every day any more. I miss my mother. I suppose I always will, and that’s OK. Thank you so much for helping me to know that everything I’m feeling is alright to be feeling.

  37. Jan says:

    I facilitate a Grief Recovery Group and this has been a wonderful help to those in the group. Thank you!

  38. Janice Muir says:

    Wow! This is the first anniversary of my husband’s death to cancer and having just listened to and identified with the audio tape, I, at last feel normal in that the pain is still there. Yes, we do most certainly have to be kind to and look after ourselves. Thank you all!

  39. Katrina says:

    Thank you for this! I am still so overwhelmed by the the grief over losing my beloved cat a year ago. It’s also the guilt. I had to have him put down (killed!!!) because I didn’y have the money the vet wanted to try 7 save him! They wanted $900.00 for the first 24 hrs., just to try! Then another $3,000.00 beyond that. MY ncome is $1400.00 per month. He was my faithful companion for eleven years. He was there with me through all my other losses. My oldest daughter, my mother, my spiritual family, the group I ran. etc., etc. etc.! My whole life has been about loss, since I was 18 months old & lost my Dad. I’d always been able to cope & move forward. but this time was just too much! I have no one to help & I am ill & lost. My resources are tapped out! Reiki, E.F.T., Psych-K, meditation. none of it has helped! So, I hang on, as I do love life. But life without him is so hollow & empty!

  40. Nina (Sheffield, U.K.) says:

    Dear Carol, Jessica, Nick and everyone else at The Tapping Solution,

    Thank you so much for your generosity in allowing everyone to download this amazing presentation. It has been so tremendously helpful. It was helpful too to know I’m not alone in how I’ve been feeling.

  41. DeniseC says:

    When will the transcript be posted, please? I am more of a visual than auditory learner, so a visual transcript will help reinforce the audio. Thank you for all your work.

  42. Meg McChesney says:

    It seems Divine Intervention guided me to this site and experience with Carol Look and Jessica this morning regarding grief. Because of crisis in our family in addition to a vehicle accident and health overwhelm I have not checked my email for some days. I find I have missed precious offers AND, am grateful that this tapping experience was up and available to me today. I turned it on and listened because though this morning I have been very upset, I DID NOT REALIZE it was because I was feeling grief because it is not a death but tremendous grieving of a mother for a son who has ADHS, PTSD, Bi Polar and Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (like his mother ((which I had not known until he told me yesterday)).
    I was able to tap re. his homelessness, his vulnerability, .. ….. It is helpful to know it is grieving for me. I had NO IDEA. I can now open myself to allowing this and crying my loss and feeling of grief that I could not have been able to help him in his life journey over these 48 years. With heartache and tears, Meg

  43. Sujatha says:

    Thank you for your comforting words. Your words are so true. One can never get over losing someone. I lost my baby and my father within months of each other. My marriage is on the verge of breaking-up. I am told by well-meaning people that it was maybe for the best that the baby did not survive. But they do not understand that baby was a part of me and meant, still means a lot to me, no matter what. I wanted it. I loved it when I had her in my womb as she was created with my husband who I loved at that time and still do. Even today, I cannot look at a pregnant woman without thinking about what I lost and may never have one more in my life. I try to ‘get over it’, but it just comes back with a rush at times and then I just cry my heart out. People tell me to get over it and move on, leaving me with the impression that I am stuck in this rut that I have to get out of. And all this sort of makes me scared to be around pregnant women in case something happens to them because of me. I am scared that I am jinxed, you know. Thank you so much.

  44. Thaida Stovall says:

    Thank you, thank you, and thank you for the audio download . I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and kindness. I am deeply grateful.

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