When They Least Deserve It…

Written by: Nick Ortner

Nothing is worth more than this day. - GoetheWe have a little sign in our kitchen that says, “Love Me When I Least Deserve It, Because That’s When I Need It Most”.

It’s a little reminder to treat each other with love and compassion, especially when things aren’t going perfectly. I try to apply this not only in the house, but also in my life  – and I took it a little further just a few days ago.

I was in Florida, getting some sun and rest after a long (and wonderful) Tapping World Summit, and was having dinner with my wife, daughter, and in-laws.

We were having a great time, as we had over the previous couple of days, but there was something about the dinner that wasn’t the greatest. Simply put, the waitress was non-responsive, slightly rude, and just made the whole dining experience a little difficult (I’m being nice… lol).

I’ve always been one to tip extra for great service. I’ve worked in restaurants and know what back-breaking work it can be, and I love rewarding people who give you a great experience. But I’ve never felt comfortable being “punitive”, i.e., “That service was terrible so I’m going to leave you a terrible tip.” It always seemed like a little bit of an eye-for-an-eye mentality.

So normally, I would just leave our server an average tip and call it a day.

But then I thought about the sign in our kitchen…

“Love Me When I Least Deserve It, Because That’s When I Need It Most”

And I changed it in my head to… “Tip Me When I Least Deserve It, Because That’s When I Need It Most.” Haha!

Tip me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it mostI don’t know what was going on in our waitress’ life. I don’t know what challenges were preoccupying her, what kind of day she had had, what sort of life she was living…

So instead of leaving an average tip, I left an extraordinary tip!

And I don’t know if it made any difference or if she thought I had made an accounting error, but I like to imagine her seeing it, and feeling the LOVE that it signifies.

Maybe it was just the extra relief she needed to take a deep breath. Maybe it made up for the bad tips she had probably received all day (based on her service!). Maybe it helped pay a bill. Maybe it helped buy a toy for her child. Who knows?

All I know is that she needed love, and besides our smiles and being kind to her, this was one way I could express that love to her.

So today, I invite you to find someone who “least deserves” your love, and give it to them.

It’s much easier to do with a stranger than it is with someone close to you who has hurt you, so if it feels too tough to do that, I’ve included a short tapping script below to help overcome the resistance to sharing that love.

You can also check out the MANY tapping meditations in our Tapping Solution App to help you as well.

Sometimes tapping for literally 60 seconds unlocks that stuck energy about a situation.

If you’re new to tapping, learn the basics here.

To tap on this issue, pick someone or a situation such that when you think of it, a part of you says, “They don’t deserve my love,” or, “They don’t deserve my forgiveness.” As you think of this, rate your resistance on a scale of 0-10, with 10 being the highest intensity. What’s the emotion around this situation? Feel it in your body, and let’s tap!

Karate Chop:  Even though they don’t deserve my love, and I just can’t forgive them, I choose to relax and feel safe now
Karate Chop:  Even though I just can’t let this go, I can’t condone this behavior, they don’t deserve my love, I choose to relax and feel safe now
Karate Chop:  Even though part of me refuses to forgive them, I can’t open my heart, it’s just too hard, I love, accept, and forgive myself
Eyebrow:  I can’t let this go
Side of Eye:  They don’t deserve my love
Under Eye:  So I’m going to withhold it
Under Nose:  Since they don’t deserve it
Under Mouth:  They’re not going to get it
Collarbone:  All this frustration towards them
Under Arm:  I just can’t let it go
Top of Head:  But what if I could start

Eyebrow:  What if part of me could forgive them
Side of Eye:  What if part of me could give them a little bit of love
Under Eye:  Even though they don’t deserve it
Under Nose:  I can start to consider
Under Mouth:  To contemplate opening my heart
Collarbone:  Even though it feels so difficult
Under Arm:  I can try
Top of Head:  To let go

Eyebrow:  I can love them when they least deserve it
Side of Eye:  Because that’s when they need it most
Under Eye:  I can love them when they least deserve it
Under Nose:  Because that’s when they need it most
Under Mouth:  Feeling safe letting go
Collarbone:  Feeling safe opening my heart
Under Arm:  Right now
Top of Head:  Right now

Take a few deep breaths in and out… and check back in.

What came up for you there? Look at your original number again, where is it now? Make a note of new things to tap on, or keep repeating these rounds until you feel it’s cleared.

And then… here’s the most important part. Once you’ve cleared the resistance… DO something!

Send a kind note to that person you’ve been struggling with. Pick up the phone. Share your love. Share your kindness. Share your heart…

And see what a difference it can make. 🙂

Until next time…

Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner

Share your love. Share your kindness. Share your heart.

What came up for you in that Tapping or from this story? Comment below!

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64 Comments on this post

  1. Trudie says:

    If we could all apply this to the challenging situations which come our way every day! Thank you Nick for a lovely story, for a lovely perspective, for setting a lovely example. I am sure that tip hit home and fixed her troubles. Maybe not the money as such, but the gesture/intention.

  2. Sheetal Contractor says:

    Thank you for sharing such a wonderful yet simple example of how we all can practice non-judgement, love and oneness in our daily lives! NAMSTE ?

  3. Meann says:

    Beautiful story, the dinner, it is very easy to love the loveable, but the biggest challenge is to love the unloveable,.If we all did that there would be peace on this planet.

  4. Mary Anne says:

    I’m going to support a person in his leadership who was deeply hurt by the comments by many others who did not share values that witnessed enlightened thinking.

  5. Cynthia says:

    “Money can’t buy me love….” A Hard Days Night , Paul McCartney, 1964

  6. Mary Adshead says:

    Ps I am reminded that the course in miracles says that when people bahave badly they are actually asking for love. (Even though it might appear otherwise!)

  7. Mary Adshead says:

    Thank you very much for this Nick. I did it about one of my siblings whom I have been furious with for a while, and recently got migraine, and then now a painful knee and foot, partly I feel from all the negative feelings I’ve had about him and his “bad”behaviour. As I repeated the script and adapted it in my own words, (I needed much longer on the negatives to honour my feelings), the anger changed into deep sadness and tears about a related aspect. I’m not finished yet! But enormously grateful for the release and progress.
    God bless you.
    I also included H’oponopono in part of my tapping, as it came up spontaneously.
    Wishing you every happiness and peace and freedom, and to Jessica too. I really like the way she does the interviews for the summits. Love to you both. ??

  8. Cathy Kiernan says:

    From this tapping session my eldest sister Vera came up, I have just recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, from my recent phone call to her to share this news with her. She immediately got very bossy with me, what types of treatment I need to do because she just recently lost a friend in or Nerium business to breast cancer. And this friend decided to not do the chemo or radiation, but to go the holistic treatments. And by my sister seeing the outcome of our friend. On several occasional talks we have had since my biopsy has mentioned several times to me about her death, memorial services surrounding her death.

    And wanting me to contact her husband to keep his mind off the loss of his wife, I tried explain to her that this may not be a very good idea, since I am now facing breast cancer, she stated to me that I was being tad bit selfish, in not wanting to be there to help him through his loss. So this was tough for me to tap on. Very many emotions going through me. By me doing this session I started out at 10 and by completing the tapping, I found myself at a 4. Do not know if that is good or bad. Any thoughts on that ???

    Thank you

  9. Robin Scutt says:

    Thanks Nick. Kudos to you. My intellect knows ‘better’ but my dinosaur brain wants payback when my ego bruised by someone. As Dr Phil says – is it working for you? No it’s not. Love that all baby steps included for newbies like me to tapping.

  10. Mary says:

    You and your family are special. The lesson of your waitress experience is one from which we can all learn.
    Thanks once again.

  11. Name (Pat Boyer) says:

    Thanks for that wonderful story. The only time I don’t leave a good tip is when the waiter or wariness has consistently been rude or never shows up again after serving us.

  12. Lori says:

    Thank you Nick, what you guys are doing is simply ‘awesome.’ I’m into Yoga and Meditation myself and totally share your points of view. Attitude is everything; right or wrong, it makes a tremendous difference.

  13. Barbara Hibner says:

    THANK YOU NICK !!! NO JUDGMENT only LOVE, (The Highest Frequency of Benevolent Creative Source Energy that can be held in 3D “Form”. QUANTUM PHYSICS 101

  14. Violet says:

    It touched my heart in many ways,cried like it was no tomorrow. Still in lots of pain but I will keep trying. THANKS.

  15. Zoe Anderson says:

    What you did may have made such a difference to that girls day you may never realise.
    I started a new job as a waitress recently and on only my 2nd shift had a guest literally yell at me on the restaurant floor in front of everyone. He didn’t know that I was the new guy and he also didn’t know that I was an emotional wreck that day as I was going through a really difficult time in my relationship. I let this person unload his frustrations onto me then I went to the kitchen and cried so hard I had to walk out on my shift and lost money that I really needed. I wish I’d known about tapping then.
    There’s no excuse for bad customer service but you just don’t know what was going on in her life. Sometimes a person is putting on a brave face and it only takes one shitty customer to completely break you. I’ll probably never work in customer service again because of that man as it really affected my confidence.
    I admire what you did and I will remember it if it ever happens to me.

  16. Rebecca Ortiz says:

    I never miss reading any of your e-mails. By sharing the many experiences from your own life you unite all of us in common experiences.

    I admire the actions you took with this waitress. I believe there will always be more growth with kindness and non judgement than with punishment.

    Unfortunately many on the planet are still laboring under the fact that the only way to elicit change is to point out grievances and level punishment.

    When more people start practicing the beautiful sentiment you expressed of loving someone when they are at their worst, the entire planet will be elevated very quickly.

    Thank you for the script. I plan on using it to do my part of staying in non judgement and offering kindness where I can.

  17. Marguerite Alfred says:

    You are right She may have been having a bad day and you were not in a situation that allowed you to pull her aside to find out what exactly was going on. Your one act of kindness with a note perhaps wishing that her day would be good, or better, would have made a huge difference, I am sure. Without the note is beautiful too.

  18. Bonnie says:

    I cried. I feel it opened need to forgive myself first. For daily self criticism and b cause judgement
    of others actions, words rises in me so fast. I,’ve just lately become fully aware how fast judgement h activates in me, shows me it’s deeply ingrained. it’s exhausting, it feels bad in my guts, heart and i get that it has appeared to be cleared I choose to free of, to release This old, negative, conditioned and cultural way of being.
    your process and words gifted today helps immensely.
    I can work on self forgiveness and know that will ripple forward. and catching judgements immediately , adding in my mind the words but they are made of love and light too
    May help
    Grateful for years of computer access to your deeply helpful work. Mostly appreciate the reality it’s routed in. Saying what is. No candy rainbow unicorn coatings. What a wonderful work to be yours to share.
    Gracias, Merck
    Bonnie m

  19. Maxine says:

    Hello. I am new to tapping but yesterday I had the chance to try tapping in probably one of the most stressful situations I’ve ever been in. I found myself locked in the back of a police patty waggon. What better time to test drive some of these tapping procedures! I literally had just unpacked the materials from the tapping summit kit that I had ordered.
    Perhaps some background is in order . The nutshell version of the story is that I own and operate support homes for people with both mental and or physical illnesses. On this particular day one of my long-term residents was destabilizing quickly and I was dealing with increasingly erratic behaviour while waiting for the intervention team. The situation has been building for the past 48 hours and I was operating on about four hours of sleep. Keeping myself and the other house mates
    Calm as I dealt with the person in crisis was critical. I could not let this Ill person engage me me! It finally came to a head when the intervention team ( crisis worker and police officers ) came to take this person to the hospital. I’m The tension was palatable. As this person was not responding well to attempts to remove her the options for the officers were getting very limited and the potential for violent removal was very high. I was able to hold mycalm and encourage my resident to walk out with me. At that point fear took over for my client and I became a lifeline. When the back of the patty wagon doors were opened I nearly fell apart ! I had anticipated a police car but unfortunately on this day the only vehicle that was available for transport was a paddy wagon. The horror of that experience for my client reduced me to tears and I find myself weeping even as I write this post. I made a decision right there that my client would not ride alone to the hospital and I allowed her to continue to hold on to me as I joined her. I am in no way faulting the intervention team. Our situation went very smoothly but I am certain that they face things that we in the normal world cannot conceive of and they have my strongest support. The doors were closed shut and my client and I were transported in a moving box to an uncertain future for her. Terror moved to rage and she became angry at me, blaming me for the situation. For both of us I needed to remain calm. And that is how I came to find my self tapping as I was being transported In a paddy wagon.
    Upon arrival at the hospital I was able to assist the team by walking with my client into the facility and encouraging her in the process of admission. The end of My involvement that day was A heartfelt thank you from the officers
    And a suggestion that I consider working with the Crisis Team. 🙂
    I have been a therapist for over 25 years but I look forward to continued exploration of tapping for myself. I also have a number of staff and other residents with mental illnesses and many others in my sphere of influence who stand to benefit from the potentials of EFT.
    Please feel free to contact me if you have suggestions or questions. I welcome your support .

  20. Crystal says:

    “”Love Me When I Least Deserve It” is also posted in my home. It’s the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I read before going to sleep. I think I put it up initially as a reminder to my husband that sometimes when I feel undeserving and therefore unworthy that’s when I could use kindness the most. But really it is a reminder to myself for myself. When my cup is filled, I am able to spill that kindness onto others, like the waitress yesterday. She seemed grouchy and distracted but otherwise provided perfect service. We tipped her a little over 20% on a small tab, so I wrote, “Great Service, Thank You!” on our bill. I had a bad day and the treat was from my husband to help me feel better and the I shared that love with her.
    Nick, your post had such synchronicity for me this morning. Thank you !

  21. Joanne Woodward says:

    Showing such Grace to that waitress surely had a HUGE impact on her. You did the unexpected and there is no way an act like this would be taken as rewarding bad behavior….I believe it would do the exact opposite! There is a reason she was as miserable as she was and we have no idea what or how bad that would be. Having someone, probably the only person that day, be so kind when she least deserved or expected it, most likely lifted her spirits and gave her negative thinking patterns a slap up the side of the head! She then hopefully would pass this act of kindness from you, on to others in the form of better service, which lifts others up….a chain effect! We hope! Thank you for sharing this, Nick. It certainly has me thinking differently!

  22. Gail says:

    Inspirational. I believe your kindness had a powerful effect on this woman. We don’t know in what way, but we can be sure she was affected in some profound way. Kudos to you for your kindness in an unpleasant situation. I am inspired. I am affected.

  23. Marilyn says:

    Interesting. I’ve left a good tip with bad service WITH a note saying
    “I felt you were rude to us but I’m still leaving you a good tip to remind you to be mindful of others you are serving through out the day ….actually it makes for a great tip day.”

  24. Laraine Davis says:

    Nick, that was such a compassionate move on your part. Sometimes when we deserve it the least, and are shown grace, it means the most.

  25. Tracy says:

    Wonderful example of loving kindness. For those concerned about rewarding bad behavior, perhaps leave a note, “sorry you’re having a challenging day; hope this helps turn it around!”

    Thank you Nick for sharing the lesson and story!

  26. Martha says:

    1 John 4:8….God is love! That act of kindness was beautiful & love never fails! Thank you for sharing!

  27. Noemi says:

    It reminds me of this song:
    Nick did not necessarily pass it forward, but more importantly, Nick began the chain of love with a stranger. Imagine if we were all to start the chain of love with people, especially when they “don’t deserve our love. Somehow I think that we all, in situations such as the waitress undeserving of Nick’s tip, would be humbled and more mindful to pass on that love to another when we receive it when least expected. Watching our children respond to our actions is a testimony to that.

  28. Candace Joyce says:

    It seems as though you used reverse psychology on this waitress. I’m sure she realized that she wasn’t giving YOU or any other customer “superior” service. By over-tipping her, it probably made her think twice about the treatment that she was giving her customers and I wouldn’t be surprised if she had an attitude adjustment after you left the restaurant!

  29. Linda says:

    You made the waitress’ day for sure! Great reminder to think that way and make a difference! Thank you!

  30. Ruth Holewinski says:

    Nick- You did well. When is it EVER wrong to show love and kindness to others? Never. My mom who was a mother to six and a teacher to thousands of teens in her career had a similar saying. “When you like them the least, love them the most.” As a parent myself, it would sometimes get shortened to “like least, love most” after repeating it dozens of times in the same day!

  31. Barb Lager says:

    Thank you for being the ripple of love in this world! Helping all of us when we get stuck to unlock the energies that stop the flow! Blessings!

  32. Jay Carnevali says:

    I do not believe anyone was born being rude. It is a person’s solution to the difficulties she met in life. With this waitress, maybe her difficulties arose that very same day, or maybe … they’ve been piling up for a lifetime. A kind and generous and highly human gesture like yours Nick can only bring about positive results. Had you left her a “standard” tip, it might – as some comments suggest – have encouraged her negative attitude, but this super-generous tip certainly made her think for a while … and probably for a very long time after. Thank you Nick for reminding us all this profound thought, that it’s when we least deserve love that we most need it. If we all could keep this in mind, just imagine what an incredible place to live our wourld would be !

  33. Eleonore Wild says:

    You did the right thing Nick — it is very important not to give your power away

  34. Debbie says:

    I get it. The way people treat you is significant in the way you feel about yourself and therefore predictive of how you might treat others. Think about the time when someone held the door open for you and how that made you feel like paying it forward. I had an unsettling experience yesterday at the local grocery store. At the end of my transaction the cashier handed me my receipt but had left my last canvass bag empty with a few groceries sitting unpacked. I put the remaining items in the bag and I noticed the man standing behind me abandon his cart and went to sit down by the adjacent vacant cashiers station. He uttered under his breath the words “Stupid f@#$%n bitch”. I was stunned.I am nearly 60 years old and have never been called such a name to my face. Who was he talking to? Was he referring to the cashier? Did he have a mobile phone on his ear? I turned and looked him in the eye and he returned the stare then he looked down. As I left the store I felt outraged. He was obviously in pain physically, mentally, and spiritually. On some level I felt deep compassion and related to the many times I stood in line when I was sick or hurting and the time spent waiting my turn seemed like an eternity. I would never express my distress in such a disrespectful way. He was clearly disrespecting himself though I felt violated. I considered talking to him but these days you never know who is packing heat or a knife and how a stranger might react to my sincere attempt to help him feel better about himself. I just said a silent prayer.

  35. jenny says:

    what makes an act right or wrong is the ‘reason’ why you do it; it’s the reason that connects to something high or something low. A saying on the wall means nothing unless it is ‘lived’! I agree with Nick that there is a lot of love and a lot of forgiveness needed in this world…

  36. Teresa bowler says:

    Obviously, you are correct in your assessment. To be in that line of work you always have to be “on” and I’m sure that person is beating themselves up for not being on top of his/her game. That and the “problem” compounds it. (Giving benefit of the doubt) I for one I think for the moment she came back to realize she can breathe and handle it.

  37. Rachna says:

    Great ! So much love flowing ! We never think this way but this shifted something

  38. Wanda says:

    An excellent idea. You never know what has happened to them to make them so impolite.

  39. Laurie Moore Skillings says:

    Nick, spreading kindness-even if it’s in the form of money-was a wonderful thing to do!

    Those in the food industry know the behavior that is expected on the front lines every day.

    You recognized that something was off for her and helped.

    I remember once tipping a waitress over 100% that was, let’s just say having a really bad day. Service was lousy. When she saw the tip she burst out crying and proceeded to tell me that she was going through a very difficult divorce all about the bills that were piling up, etcetera.

    My intent was not to reward her behavior but to bring her back to the moment.

    The gratitude that she felt helped change her attitude.

    Nick, you tapped into her heart.

  40. Sylvia de Beer-Bloem says:

    Dear Nick, what a beautiful story, what a great lesson.
    It is so helpful. I’m often so judgemental, only looking at people from my perspective. Yet everyone is trying to get to their place of happiness and peace. Some have obstacles that are just so difficult. Love and understanding ease a lot of pain and create an energy that can bring change.
    Thank you for sharing .

  41. Tapio Karjalainen says:


  42. Soleyl says:

    This is so great and wonderful, it makes my day! 🙂
    And also those to come yet….:-)

  43. Shashi says:

    Feel Peace inside and love in the Heart and around
    Thank you
    God bless

  44. Mary Ellen (Gem) says:

    I loved the story you shared,very moving&compassionate.Thank you for sharing.I am so grateful for the emails you send to me.Blessings&love to you,&Jessica.

  45. Marleen says:

    Thank you, I needed this for myself. !!!!!!!!!!!!

  46. Alison says:

    Such a beautiful story Nick. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂

  47. Claire says:

    Estupendo this Tapping Nick ! It Reminded me how to live a great Life of love and awareness.
    It is highly original and generous Way of Life
    Thank you for your tappings

  48. Karen Tuohy says:

    Wow Nick – I so needed to read this. Thank you for sharing, & helping me to realise that I’ve been withholding love from someone I didn’t think deserved it. Time for an attitude adjustment & to make amends.

  49. Hilary says:

    What a great attitude Nick – if only we could all adopt that attitude the world would be a much happier place. A brilliant tapping script.

  50. Donna Eden says:

    Dear Nick,

    I LOVE THIS. It is my philosophy precisely. It is so easy to love the loveable…..but the unloveable are usually unloveable cuz they need the love so bad. Loving the unloveable often turns them loveable.

    And now I am even going to be a bigger tipper!!!!

    Thank you so much for this. Loving you, donna eden

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