Surrogate Tapping with Jessica Ortner

Written by: Nick Ortner

Oh… the many times, in my personal journey of growth and development that I thought…

“If (fill in name of your friend/family member/colleague) would just do (fill in name of the modality/supplement/seminar/book), then their life would be so much better!”

Have you had similar thoughts? Of course you have, because you care about those you love. You are on the cutting edge of exploring information that changes lives, and you just want more people to know this life-changing information, to make better choices, to find more happiness, joy, health, and abundance.

But I learned a lesson many years back that’s encapsulated in an old saying…

“You can lead a horse to water… but you can’t make it drink.”

It’s been my personal experience that the best way I can help others is to:

A. Do my own work first – BE the change!

B. Share with passion and enthusiasm, but WITHOUT attachment to the outcome – i.e. whether the horse drinks or not!

And there’s actually a Tapping process that I’ve used to support that path, called “Surrogate Tapping”.

Now, I often think Surrogate Tapping is slightly misunderstood, in that people think, “Oh, I can just tap for someone else and FIX them,” – i.e. “I can make that horse drink!”

Whereas, I believe the real power in Surrogate Tapping is to first help us clear our own emotional attachments, stress, anxiety and overwhelm about the situation, person, or challenge. What I’ve found to be really exciting about doing this is that when we do our own work first, THEN THE MAGIC HAPPENS.

I can’t fully explain it, but I’ve seen it again and again in my own life and in those who have done this process.

So if there’s a situation you’re struggling with, if there’s a person who you love that you are stressed out and anxious about, if there’s someone you want to help…

Then take a few minutes to try this free Tapping Meditation.

Watch this short video with my sister Jessica explaining the process, and then use the 16-minute meditation below:

Introduction to Surrogate Tapping Video

Press Play Below to Listen to the Surrogate Tapping Audio

Right Click and “Save” Here to Download the “How to Tap” PDF

Right Click and “Save” Here to Download Audio

Right Click and “Save” Here to Download the Surrogate Tapping Transcript PDF

How did this process affect you? What insights or breakthroughs did you have? Let us know! Post your comments below.

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735 Comments on this post

  1. marianne says:

    Today I heard from my daughter in law that my son had lost his job.He did not tell me himself. I did,nt know what to do. How can I solve this problem for him? I did the tapping with you and I feel at peace now;. He will find his way and come through a stronger man. I allways feel quilty when something is wrong with one of my children and to rid myself of this quilt I feel the need to control. It is such a relieve to let go of my need to control this situation. Thank you so much Jessica..This was just what I needed today. Blessings, Marianne

  2. Liz says:

    Completely overwhelmed at “I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” This is similar to the message that is suggested for completing with a dying person, with a final additional line, “Good bye.” It took me by surprise and was very upsetting, as I was tapping for my boyfriend, who is going thru grief about the sudden loss of his mother. I had to pause as I was overwhelmed with the idea of having to say goodbye to him, too. Too much loss. 🙁 The rest of the meditation was good, but I don’t know why that part was in there…

  3. Marylyn Roh says:

    Dear Nick & Jessica –
    I initially began tapping for my 3yr old ggrandson who is recovering from neureo- – – ? cancer.. . . but right away I saw that my present relationship/situation also could use some tapping. Jess – your meditation was the very best I’ve heard, and I know I will used it daily. I recognized the phrases from the Healing Code – which are so powerful. You both are so gifted – thank you for sharing these posts with so many people in pain in the world. I’ve read your books – and watched many videos. The 4-day meeting of the ten people in the healing video were inspiring. Come see us here in Salt Lake City!!!! Love to you both. Marylyn Roh

  4. Desiree says:

    Today i tapped for my Mom who has Alzheimers….Thanks so much x
    I felt a sharp pain on my right side, many years ago i had an Ectopic pregnancy, will do some tapping on ‘that pain’
    A new world has opened up for me, ive done tapping with friends and they are soo excited.
    Thanks Jessica & Nick x

  5. Donna says:

    WOW! This is the most awesome ever. I’ve used several audio tapping sessions to help with my pain. I’ve also known it’s not my job to change others but to change myself and the way I respond to them. This expresses that need in such a beautiful, perfect way. I’ll be using this every day. Thank you Jessica.

  6. Mary-Lou says:

    O Jessica, this is so liberating. I thank God for you, and for the healing you are sharing so generously
    And as you offer it freely, it will snowball, changing the world at a deep level. I am so thankful for how it is changing me.
    Yes, all people and all things things are connected, through the Spirit of Love . As Jesus says, “Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened …”. (Matthew 7:7)

  7. Kathleen Harrison says:

    IJess and Nick thank you so very very much for the surrogate tapping. There is a lot going on in my family and as you say Jess…..I am not responsible for the happiness of others only my own happiness. thank you. I am also doing the tapping to release Trauma. Again thank you Nick for this Lesson 2. I have been tapping every day since listening into the ten day summit. Things are changing and its a long story. I live in England and it was my daughter in Australia who let me know about the Tapping summit 2015. Global is the word.

  8. dawn lehman says:

    Absolutely loved it !!!
    So grateful, it couldn’t have come at a better time thank you 🙂

  9. Theresa says:

    i’ve already solved my problem. This tapping session was so calming and added a much needed layer of peace around this issue. Much appreciation. Thank you

  10. Shauna says:

    This was a beautiful meditation and exercise in letting go, forgiveness and acceptance. Thank you so much for sending it. As I checked my email this morning, I had some anxiety about meeting a friend this afternoon who is in the throes of a very painful marital situation. I was unsure how I could support her without intrusion. This has helped me tremendously, and I am so grateful, Jessica for your kindness.

  11. Chip says:

    Very nice

  12. Penny says:

    Wonderfully empowering and uplifting. Such a blessing and gift to understand better how to truly help oneself and through that help loved ones struggling or suffering.

  13. Ger says:

    Very powerful and much needed. Perfect timing.

  14. Linda Johnson says:

    This article is so helpful to me. My Dad is struggling with dementia and appears to feel helpless to fight it, which leaves me feeling helpless. Now I have a tool to help both of us! After the tapping sequence I felt so renewed! I feel like I can take on my hectic day ahead and handle it with grace, strength and beauty! Thank You Jess!!!
    Hugs, love and blessings,
    Linda Johnson
    Billings, MT

  15. Carmina says:

    Thank you Jessica, it’s very peaceful and fell very calm…. really enjoyed!!!!

  16. Rich Featherly says:

    Very nice process. I yawned several times as tension was being released. Surrogate tapping is very attractive to folks like me, so we can fix other people, when what needs to be fixed is to realize that the other people are perfect, doing exactly what they need to do for themselves and us.

  17. Marie says:

    I have someone I love……he has been ill for quite a while, smokes, and is a non-believer in any method of getting well except for prescriptions (poison) and so forth. On the other hand I believe in natural ways of healing, may it be herbal, homeopathy, positive affirmations and so forth.

    This is my first intro to Tapping and I participated with Jessica’s Tapping for a loved one so he could help himself heal and put that universal fire in him to change his negative approach to his health. He is 78, but I feel its never too late for interventions. I love him, in many ways he’s a good soul, he says he loves me, I think loving someone is loving yourself, but I just can’t convince him to take care of himself. So now I will be Tapping for him. By the way, I’m 65 years young, on no prescripts, diagnosed with osteoporosis, was told I shouldn’t lift more then 1 pound of anything, guess what. I don’t listen and am doing great, I’m even painting my own ceiling in my house ,how of silly me! Thanks Jessica for giving us a tool to help someone that seems to have no hope.

    Love, Health, Happiness and Peace to You and Yours

  18. Jennifer says:

    Thank you so much for this surrogate tapping meditation! I literally just sat down at my desk with the intention of doing some surrogate tapping for my daughter. I was going to browse through the meditations from the 2015 Summit and I saw this in my email! I am so NOT surprised, but am very grateful to you all and the work that you do. I know that the right-things and the right-people show up in your life at just the right-time! This is one of those times! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  19. suzy says:

    Thank you so much, such good timing to, I am in a situation where I want to help but only seem to be making it worse by my badgering. Now I understand to just be there for them, silently, is so much better for both of us. This surrogate tapping is heaven sent. I’m sure he will win out I feel so much more confident already and I’ve only done it once through..
    Keep up the good work your help is so valuable in todays climate. Hopefully you will reach enough people, who will reach out to others as well, like a ripple. to make tomorrows climate warmer and more loving.

  20. Mary says:

    My, my… I’m so grateful for that tapping session. Two days ago a dear friend of 35+ years lost her husband of 32 years as he slipped away peacefully in his sleep. She was/is traumatized and dealing with such grief as she was not present at their home and heard the news from their youngest daughter. My former husband and I have recently divorced and I have moved out of state to be closer to our grandchildren. He was the first person she phoned to help and while I am grateful to him for being there for her, I am feeling quite at a loss for not being there as well. I want so much to help my friend in her sorrow but was becoming stressed that there is nothing I can do from a distance. My heart breaks for her and I just want so much to fix things for her, knowing full well that this is not a possibility.
    This tapping meditation has giving me the emotional release I need right now. I intend to keep it at hand through these next few weeks as it brought me much relief. Thank you, Jessica!

  21. samuel elizondo says:

    thank you Jessica for this great tapping , I get the feeling like unloading a big big loud from my back. thank you for your wonderful work. Sam.

  22. Jeanne Koenig says:

    I loved it .I feel soooo much better. Thank you Jessica! I am so grateful to you!
    Love you, Jeanne

  23. Luz Ecker says:

    Awesome. Los of emery in all my body.

    Thanks, and love U

  24. annalee says:

    I so needed this!! I will this often. What a release of feelings. Thank you Jessica!

  25. Dawn says:

    I really needed this. Thanks so much for having the insight to teach me this. Wanting to help others in my family is one reason I took the Tapping course. Your reminder of trying to help myself is the only answer,and the rest will follow,and if it doesn’t,then I will have faith in that person to let go of my expectation,let go let God. I need to hear this everyday,so I. Will stop stressing. My IPAD doesn’t let me download. Thanks Jessica so much,Sincerely Dawn

  26. Lorraine says:

    Thank you so much for this gift. I have been going through a very sad time with my daughter and have been tapping and listening to audios. I needed this right at this moment and will continue to use this as well as tapping on anger as this is the emotion that is under my sadness and fear a for my daughters situation. You are helping me to get through and am so grateful to you for that. Bless you.

  27. Elizabeth says:

    What a profound way to turn around a situation and release judgement, control, and anxiety around a situation with a loved one. I learned that this work releases ME from the judgement, control and anxiety…and gets me off trying to fix the situation or person. I get that worrying about my loved one or manipulating a situation is NOT helpful. By releasing my loved one from the hold of my own judgements we both benefit and are FREE to receive love, compassion, healing and restoration. Now I can look forward to how things will unfold and watch the universal divine power work things out in ways that will probably astonish me and far exceed my expectations.
    Thank you so much for sharing this tapping affirmation, what a blessing!

  28. Bonnie says:

    This is the most beautiful tapping I have ever done. Thank you Thank you Thank you.. letting go is the hardest and this is just what i need to learn..even if it is for my pets, son or whoever. It made me realise that most of the time I was feeding my ego and not helping anyone by controling anything.

  29. Gaby says:

    Thanks for supporting me changing my life! I did EFT in 2002. 3 days ago a friend showed me your Homepage and remembered me to do tapping…
    You do a great work! Have a wonderful weekend with the congress!
    Thank you soooo much! Gaby (from Austria)

  30. Lalitha says:

    my neice is really hurting the rest of the family with her behaviour and talk. she just do not see reason. I had felt that i need to get over my negativity towars her. So listening to this really calmed me and i feel will help me get over my reactions to her. Thank you.


  31. JoAna Dwyer says:

    I have participated in your Tapping World Summit and done many tappings on physical and emotional issues. This surrogate tapping is the most profound for me and resonated more than any of them. My adult daughter (age 46) is deeply depressed and suicidal. I have felt totally helpless.
    Thank you, Jessica for this beautiful, healing tapping. I shall continue to do it daily. Many blessings your way.

  32. Li-Aura says:

    This is for Jessica’s surrogate tapping.
    I enjoyed it immensely . I tapped with you, Jessica, because I was in the situation which you described before the tapping about loving someone and wanting to help him while at the same
    time the person himself was not showing the same interest as I was.
    I tapped with you to let the control slide off of me and tapped on the rest as well. It did change
    the way I feel about him now. If my anger towards him was at 7 (suds) it’s now O !!! I tapped today (Dec/9/14) and all this experience with your tapping change completely the way I look at this issue
    of wanting this person to tap away his problems while he is not ready or doesn’t want to.

    Thank you so much for the light you sent my way.

    With love and Gratitude


  33. Kirk says:

    Amazing meditation, Jessica! It calmed me about losing someone in a relationship who I loved very much and I felt I could spend the rest of my life with them. I will use this a lot! 🙂

  34. Ibolya Molnar says:

    I found the experience very peaceful and touching. I am planning to use surrogate tapping on different people and also on the same person more times. Let’s see how it will effect me, the other person and our relationship.

  35. Twila says:

    Your surrogate tapping video is beautiful, Jessica. Thank you for it. I choose to use it daily and to share it with friends who are challenged by loved ones’ situations. You are a blessing! The world is more Peaceful and Loving because of your meaningful work.

  36. WENDY says:


  37. Stephanie Hammond says:

    How beautiful! I started with the thought of one special friend in mind and soon was embracing others whose situations have given me some concern, right to the political situations around the globe. Then when the script included the Ho’oponopono blessing, my eyes filled with tears. Isn’t it wonderful how all good things are interconnected. EFT and Ho’oponopono combined feel like a very powerful gift for healing. I know my friend is in the very best place for her right now. I know I can love her and laugh with her and be kind to her, regardless of where her journey leads her. Thank you Jessica for your love and sharing.

  38. Joyce says:

    Wow that was so powerful. My body had so many reactions from releasing air from my digestive tract to waves of heat coming off my chest and sweating and tears flowing from my eyes. I loved this surrogate tapping because I felt not only so connected to the person I was tapping for but to myself and the whole universe. I’ve been tapping with Nick Ortner on Healing with the Masters and also with Jessica Ortner in her Tapping for Weight Loss and it has been very good but this so far has been most awesome and powerful. I took a course in EFT way back around 1995 and I know how to use it but I haven’t had the results like I have been having now because I realize it isn’t just the words you say but the feelings that come up and you release that matter so you can heal. Thank you Jessica and Nick. You are both a blessing.

  39. Lynette says:

    Thank-you Jessica
    that is just what I needed today! I cried, I smiled and I marveled at some of the words that made things seem easier 🙂
    I am so grateful I found you and Nick. This tapping was so lovely I am going to use it regularly.
    love and blessings to you

  40. Bella says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this audio with anybody and everybody who willing to help themselves and or others. I truly loved it. It was so beautiful and relaxing and feel it’s lifted this heaviness from me. Thank you Jess Xx

  41. Karín Torrellas says:

    Escuchar el audio y además permanecer haciendo tapping según sus instrucciones.
    Lisen to this audio and and also keep tapping according to instructions. <3

  42. Karín Torrellas says:

    Muchas gracias. Maravilloso. Es realmente muy util para todas las situaciones en general. Cuando nos sentimos tan afectados que parece que no podemos ni pensar , poner este audio y relajarse siguiendo estas instrucciones te devuelve la paz y la alegria.

    Thank you very much. Wonderful. It’s really very useful for all situations in general. When we feel so badly affected that it seems we can not even think, put this audio and relax following these instructions you back peace and joy.

  43. Mary says:

    I had just finished sending links to blog posts to two friends undergoing very challenging life situations. Knowing that I cannot make anyone choose to follow your method, I decided to explore surrogate tapping and was blown away by the powerful process which has let me Let Go of any expectation that I can fix their problems and just connect with them and send them love, and peace and light and confidence that they will be guided to the answers that they need. I can be a supportive friend and be willing to listen when they need to talk and trust that if I allow myself to be guided from that place of love, peace and light I may say something helpful. Thank you for such an inspiring meditation.

  44. Queenie says:

    You Sir/Madam are the enemy of confusion eveeywhrre!

  45. Patricia says:

    Jessixa, I cannot begin to thank you enough for the gift of this tapping meditation.
    I have some things that I need to work through at this time and I have been using
    this audio for some weeks now at least once a day.
    I am grateful to you at the end of each session.
    Blessings on you and your ministry.

  46. leann says:

    Ive been tapping for about 3 mo now on issues its wonderful.

  47. Linda says:

    Thank you, Jessica. As often, when I really need something it usually shows up. I have a grandson who appears to be making some less than healthy choices right now. I know he is hurting and is self-medicating much the same way his recently deceased father did. I tend to try and be a fixer so it is really hard for me to let go of the judgment and need to control. This script brings lots of tears so I will probably go through it several more times. I especially like the ocean background. Again, Thank you.

  48. Gaone says:

    You are God sent Jessica, thank you very much. I can’t get enough of tapping because it bring miracles to my body.

  49. Sandi says:

    I loved this and will use it. Thank you.

  50. Kim says:

    Dear Jessica,

    I appreciate the giving of your time and energy that you spent in preparing the morning & evening audio tapping meditations. I enjoy them and use both daily, they set me up for the day and put to me to bed feeling empowered and self accepted!

    To Fellow Bloggers,

    There may be some of you out there that are interested in the EFT process, yet somewhat apprehensive as to its validity. To those I offer my humble thoughts and experiences. As you know may or may not be aware, this process is based on ancient Chinese medicine. The tapping points are energy/chi meridians which are also used by acupuncturist.

    I once had a nagging bronchial type cough that was a residual condition from a terrible bout of the flu bug. A well meaning western physician prescribed me an inhaler for this condition, however, I sought acupuncture as an alternative to rid myself of the dependency I developed from the inhaler. I was way apprehensive and very curious and excited all at the same time.

    I treated for several months, with a wise old Chinese doctor, who spoke with broken English completely blew my mind. His name was Dr. Lee. During some sessions I would simply fall asleep, odd for me. I’m sound asleep in a strange place completely vulnerable to an individual I barley knew. At other sessions I would find myself crying, tears streaming down my face, for no reason. Dr. Lee would sometimes walk in and say to me so gently “I know” “I know”.

    I surmise I must have released a lot of negative energy, stress, etc. during those sleeping and/or crying episodes. Long story short, no more wheezing, no more inhalers. I was completely healed. My healing happened approximately 6 years ago.

    All of this say, give tapping a chance. Take a leap of faith and check it out. You may very well be incredibly surprised at your results! – Namaste

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Over 17 Million Tapping Meditations Played in Our App!
Get Instant Access to our "Releasing Anxiety" and "Sleep Support: Quiet The Racing Mind" Tapping meditations.
Yes, I agree to receive email messages from The Tapping Solution & understand that I can unsubscribe at any time. Privacy Policy.