Just over a year ago, I wrote a blog post called, “When to ‘not’ meet the Dalai Lama”. It received a ton of comments and inspired a wonderful discussion about the choices we make in our lives. To sum it up, I had a chance to meet the Dalai Lama but passed on it in order to take better care of myself and particularly in order to spend some more time with my uncle from Argentina whom I only got to see every 5 years or so.
Little did I know then, when I made that decision, that my uncle would pass away just a year later, and that that evening would be the last chance I had to spend time with him. So while I was very said when he passed away, I felt gratitude for the time we spent together, and for making that choice. I’ve re-shared the blog post below; I think it’s a powerful reminder of how important it is to spend time with family, to take care of ourselves, and to savor every moment.
As you may know, I’m passionate about personal growth and healing- finding ways to improve my life, the lives of those I love, and now people around the world. That passion is what drives me on a daily basis.
However, the other day, I asked myself, “Are there times when you can have too much personal growth and healing?”
I’ve been in the world of personal growth/development/self-help/alternative healing for a long time. I have to credit my parents for my initial exposure, probably in early high school (or it might even have been middle school!). I still distinctly remember my Dad’s Nightingale-Conant tape sets. About the size of a large binder, with a big picture of the expert on the cover (Earl Nightingale, Zig Ziglair, Brian Tracy, and others) and an enticing subject matter, “Lead the Field”, “A View From The Top” and others. My dad would buy them, I would borrow them and start filling my brain with this amazing information.
My mom played a big part with one purchase in particular. She is often lovingly teased in the family about her love of QVC and the Home Shopping Network, and while I find a few of her TV purchases questionable, when she bought one of Tony Robbins’ courses, she made the right move. 🙂 I “borrowed” it as I did my father’s tapes and was hooked. And thus the road to a lifelong thirst for information that could improve my life was paved. One of my roommates after college joked that I should just have my headphones surgically implanted since they were constantly in my ears!
All that to say, I love this stuff. I love listening to Wayne Dyer, and Carolyn Myss and Louise Hay. When I come home from the “I Can Do It’s” that I speak at, I listen to the other speakers. This is my life.
So the other day, when faced with an amazing opportunity to join my friend Scarlett Lewis to visit with the Dalai Lama, the choice seemed an obvious one. The Dalai Lama! What an opportunity- what an honor! I would be accompanying Scarlett (along with Dr. Lori Leyden), so this wasn’t a meeting for me personally, but still… to hear him speak, to learn from him, to be in his presence.
Initially, I said “Yes! I’ll be there!” but as the date neared, something stirred inside me that was telling me otherwise.
That stirring said, “You’re tired.” I had just spent the weekend speaking in Atlanta at an ‘I Can Do It’ conference and had some very early morning flights.
It told me, “There are no missed opportunities. Your uncle is coming to visit from Argentina, someone you only see every 5 years or so at most.”
And finally, that stirring said, “Stay home”.
Of course, my passionate impulses wanted to reject all those stirrings. I wanted to keep moving forward, at breakneck speed, meeting people, connecting with them. “What if I can share tapping with the Dalai Lama?” “How great would it be to get a picture with him?” “What might I learn from him?”
And while there’s nothing wrong with those thoughts or moving forward, something told me it was time to slow down.
Something said to me, “What might your uncle have to teach you?” “What might those extra precious hours with your family be like?” “What would the Dalai Lama do?!?” 🙂
I’m sure you can guess the choice I made: I politely declined the invitation and stayed home. Of course, there was a part of me that tugged and said, “What if you made a mistake?!?” But when I did some tapping on it, I got real clarity and comfort that this was the right decision.
The result?
A lovely evening with my family, on a beautiful Connecticut night, drinking some great wine and hearing stories from my uncle from decades past. Stories of how my parents met (I knew the basics but got more details), stories about my grandfather who I didn’t know, stories about me as a kid, stories that nourished a part of my soul like nothing else could. Connection with those I love and a memory that will last a lifetime.
And guess what? If I had gone and seen the Dalai Lama and had a chance to chat with him, he probably would have said, “What are you doing here? You should be with your family…” haha! But seriously, I think his advice would be to do what I did, to slow down, to connect with my family, to drink some great wine, enjoy a beautiful May evening in Connecticut and just BE.
1. There are no missed opportunities. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that. You’ve got to make sure that it’s not just fear or self-sabotage holding you back (and you can tap on that), but oftentimes, you simply need to say “No” or “Not now”
2. Let that Inner Knowing guide you. When you know, you KNOW. I’ve been more and more surprised on a daily basis just how strong and wise my intuition can be. But you’ve got to listen to it. Again, tapping can help you gain that clarity. When you can’t make a decision or feel stuck… “Even though I can’t make this decision…” Just a few minutes of tapping and you’ll be surprised about the clarity you experience.
3. Don’t take yourself, or others, too seriously. One of my favorite parts about my evening with my family? We laughed. Deep, hearty chuckles at great stories, old jokes, and being together. That nourishes the soul in the deepest of ways. That evening wasn’t about the next big thing, or spiritual growth or improving myself, it was just about BEING.
Of course, I’m just as passionate today about personal growth, about finding ways to improve my life. I’m busy at work today, moving forward, learning, helping, healing. And because I took that time, to just “BE”, I can bring more of myself, my best self, to this work.
So take some time to find that balance for yourself. When is it time to slow down and recharge? Are you pushing just a little too hard? Or when are you reaching for things that seem “spiritual” or about “personal growth” but in fact disconnect you from the essence of your life?
And remember, the answer to all these questions is deep inside you. You KNOW.
Until next time…
Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner
Copyright © 2024 The Tapping Solution, LLC
Gut feelings are to be followed at all times.
I think you made the right choice.
Perhaps meeting the Dalai Lama one on one in a professional manner would be different but one can learn much from him through the knowledge and views he presents in his speeches, interviews and writing.
I always wonder how much insight a person can truly get in a brief meeting which is really just a moment in time. I have been strangely in the right place at the right time to meet many great people but I have found without time and/or some shared experience there is not that much knowledge to pick up beyond a general feeling of the other person.
It’s been at least 30yrs since I and a friend met the Dalai Lama on the street. He was staying nearby while giving a series of lectures. I only knew he was a Tibetan Buddhist monk when we spoke, he introduced himself by name, not title. He was very nice, curious and easy to talk with. There was a sense of peace about him, but that was not uncommon among Buddhist monks at that time. I clearly remember his joyous laughter because it just seemed to flow out of him. We talked about 10 mins on various subjects, like you do when you have people from 3 different countries/cultures, the conversation was in English, Tibetan and Nepali and it was fun. As we were walking away, my friend said “do you realize who that is?”
Obviously, I will talk to anyone 😉
It was the right choice for you, at that point in time. Some of lifes greatest gifts/lessons/experiences are gotten from enjoying the moment (just BEING), especially when its with people that you love and cherish (family). You have known this for a long time….I think the experience of meeting the Dalai Lama would have been just another confirmation for you.
Thank you, and keep giving us your insightful thoughts.
There are times for learning – and times to put that learning into practice. Sometimes the biggest LESSON is realizing the difference. Good for you.
There are many of us who will NEVER have the chance to meet HH the Dalai Lama, who would dearly love to.
You had the opportunity, you chose not to go – which is right for you and I get that.
But you’re coming off as crowing about it, and that makes people like me feel like you’re rubbing my lack of opportunity in my face…when you COULD have given the opportunity to someone else and kept quietly humble about your choice.
Nick, what a wonderful and insightful article, love it. It also made me smile because I opened your email straight after suggesting to one of my fellow Mastermind group members whether to take a week’s break from our regular meetings. We are in the middle of our health coach training course, all very busy studying and launching our businesses and for the first time in over five months we don’t have classes next week. So let’s breathe, live, love and laugh! Nothing will run away from us, as you say, there are no missed opportunities :-)Thank you!
I’m impressed by your clarity and courage. I think you made the absolutely right decision. Your article explaining your passion for personal growth helps us see why your decision might have been a surprise for even you. If I had the opportunity to meet you or the Dali Lama today, I would pick you. My prayers are with you that you remain this clear with your values lined up just the way they are.
The Dalai Lama is committed to meeting anyone who wants to meet him. I met him. This is not your only chance. Glad you did what felt right.
First of all, facial recognition software has a great shot of my cat. Good luck to the rest of you! Nick, I agree with the importance of your #2 reason, except I treat “that still small voice” as a gift from God or the direct work of our spirit guides or guardian angels, not “my intuition”. Thank Spirit always. It could be “our” Aumakua or Higher Self that connects with God, but where did that come from? I know through free will we are ultimately responsible for our thoughts, words and deeds – the celestial buck stops here – and as Buddha said, “We suffer of ourselves”. So, we do have the responsibility to make the decision, “with a little help from our Friends.”
I feel you did the right thing choosing Family and the way you share about it the information laughter and the Wine HI HI
You might get another opportunity to visit with the Dalai Lama – you followed your Heart
I am so glad you asked yourself this question. I have been asking myself the same thing. I am hooked on listening to so many wonderful speakers on the Internet that I have been wearing myself out. I decided to take time out to enjoy the family, have fun with friends and to have some naps and I feel much more balanced. However I am still dealing with the part of me that feels it missed something. I listen to my inner voice much better when I am not rushed or tired.
Pat Hesketh
I am SO glad you had this experience! Something similar (not the Dalai Lama though!) has happened to me now and then in the past year or so. I’m glad to hear Tapping helps to clarify one’s thoughts about the situation. I too have had the “growth” bug, so it is triply terrific t hear you write about this. Now that Tapping (since the 2013 Summit) has come into my life, and you continue to share, a whole new Being is beginning. THANK YOU!
Always, Always, Listen To Your Little Voice! 🙂
Nick, your story reminded me that many times in my life I have had a difficult decision to make: not between right and wrong, or between good and bad, but between 2 wonderful opportunities. Thank you for sharing your decision-making process with us. It sounds like you made the right decision for you.
I feel you made the right decision. i was faced with a choice this last weekend…I was to supposed to go to my niece’s baby shower in Southern California, a 7 hour drive… I had been excited to get together with family and “be” together around this event. As the event drew nearer, I felt a little run-down and went through all sorts of guilt about taking care of me. I weighed it several different ways… Let;s see
total of about 18 hours driving all in all, $150 dollars in gas, no real time to relax before I had to get back home for work etc.
It was a crazy mind thing and I finally made the choice to stay home. As it turned out, my Mother and sister said It must have been my guardian angel holding me back since they were an hour late finding the place ( the three of us were going to meet and driving further down together) They said there were so many people you didn’t really get a chance to relate to anybody on a personal level…
Instead, I met with an artist friend and we went to an Art Fair in San Francisco. We chatted and enjoyed each other’s company. I got a lot done her as well and spent some time with my Son .
You know you made the right decision and for all the right reasons.
How many times have I ignored that inner (I guess tapping at me)
saying slow down? More than I can remember. Take the time to
“BE” yes of course. How could you have felt at one with a
person like the Dali Lama thinking about what was happening
back home with your family. You have just opened a door for
me and I will take the time to let the light shine in, slow
down and be just one person doing one thing in the moment.
With my deepest gratitude.
You totally made the right choice to stay home and slow down and visit with your family. We are entering a new paradigm, an new age, one that allows us to listen to our own wisdom, guidance, and direction–to follow our own hearts. We don’t need spiritual teachers, gurus, priests, etc…The sheep don’t need a Shepard any longer–they need to move beyond being sheep.
I think the decision you made was one I would have made but maybe not as thoughtfully as you did. Awesome work Nick.
Your blog post comes at a time I have been pondering a decision and when I say pondering I mean for at least a year. Talk about slow processing! 🙂
The fear of letting an idea go as maybe it would have worked out but then the fear of hanging on as it may not work out. That is a major tug of war going on in my head.
Your blog post helped me to look at things differently but I still have to work on the internal turmoil on this decision. Thanks Nick.
Nick – thank you for your honesty.
Thanks Nick for sharing this important experience. You did great following your heart and intuition.
Well Nick,
one should always take the opportunity to slow down one’s often present inner speed in your mind all the time.
With a person as H.H. Dalai Lama it might be worth while to see and meet him anyway, since he clearly proclaims this attitude of non speed in the world as well. A thing EFT or NVT in connection to the space and recognition of the 5 Buddhas Families also do.
Joost Willems
Simply Human being by the practice and study of the Buddhist path
Yes Nick – you were right to stay home AND you would have been right to see the Dalai Lama. No mistakes. I’m glad you followed your inner voice and had that time with your family. Either way would have been perfect. One way to look at this is that this was a “happening” with your family – never to happen quite like that again and YOU were there! There will be other opportunities to meet the Dalai Lama. Bless you for the work you a d Jessica are doing. Loved your story of growing up in an aware, conscious family! What a gift!
Thanks for your message today! I needed to hear the “stay home, slow down”.
I praise you for listening to your true self and honoring those needs. Too often we disregard those prominent feelings and instead make decisions based on what others think or will think.
Nick, this was a tough decision. Sometimes there is no right or wrong. Either way you could win.
It depends on letting go of the part you did not choose. Otherwise you always have remorse & the
haunting feeling of a “missed opportunity”, which is really a form of self torture.
I just came back from Tibet. I would have had to chose Dalai Lama. Because my heart is heavy with the
sorrow and sadness of the Tibetan people having “lost” their Holiness. I would have loved to give him
the message of their deep love for Him.
I can’t judge for you because I don’t have the close & loving and fun relationship in my family.
I keep on tapping!
Yes, of course, listening to your own body, heart, and mind is the right response. A balanced, harmonious life is enriched and sustained by a nourishing blend of activities and inactivity. If you don’t follow the guidance of your innate intelligence, your health will eventually be harmed and you won’t benefit from any of your pushing forward. You may come across the right time at a later time to meet with the Dalai Lama or a similar luminary. If you need to make that particular connection, you will, at the right time. You can ask that of the universe and then just trust that you’ll receive fully as you need. You never know if you are being prompted to set aside time for a certain family member or members whether it could turn out to be the last opportunity of that kind you will have with that person(s) in this lifetime. People receive inner promptings for many good reasons. You are blessed to have that divine guidance and to be able to recognize it, but if you choose to close yourself off from it by not heeding it, eventually weaken that intuitive connection. Wisdom doesn’t force itself on us. Inner guidance manifests itself where it is welcomed and acted upon. The Dalai Lama is well aware of that. Consider that you just received your lesson from the Dalai Lama. It is not always necessary to be in the physical presence of a great soul to learn from that soul. The more our consciousness evolves and frees itself from physical limitations, the more we can learn from and communicate with other beings by being psychically open wherever we are. Space and time separation is only a construct of our thinking. The Dalai Lama lives within you (and me) anyway.
Nick, I agree with you. We can’t be everywhere at once. Loved your comment that Dali Lama may have said “you should be home with your famly.
We often get caught up in “shoulda, woulda, coulda, thinking,” and end up missing what we were meant to be involved with.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Be well.
Absolutely! If your decision felt right, you let your higher intuitive self guide you! What an affirmation for you and indeed for all of us. Discerning when to say “no” and when to draw the in-breath is en essential part of our learning! Kudos to you for following your heart!
I absolutely agree with your staying “at home” with your beloveds–paying attention to the solar plexus leads us in the best, healing direction–that ishow it works for me–and I thank you for your sharing–tap on!!!!!!!!! BIG HUGS Silvia
Nick, I believe that the Dali Lama is already in your life….I remember him speaking at your college graduation…Now you had another opportunity to be closer to him….Instead you decided to rest and re-energize yourself…I believe this is because you want to be at your very best when you do see him….The third time will be the right time111111111111111111111
Perfect!!!!!
Nick,
You were so right to trust that inner knowing and to come to the understanding that there is great value in simply Being. It brings each of us to our core, our center, where all wisdom lies. No book, or guru, or conference can take us that deep.
I say Congratulations to you, Nick, for trusting yourself. Keep up the great work and remember to take time to simply “Be”. 🙂
Dear Nick
I appreciated a lot your story for sometimes I have also the same impression… I so badly and deeply want to make big jumps in my evolution… you’re right, we have to slow down and wait for other occasions, when we want something, it comes surely on our way … Keep tapping !!! And thanks for all your efforts to helping us evolve too !!!! Cheers, Hava.
Excellent choice. I recently missed a chance to attend a new meditation dharma talk. I have very few nights off where this is even a possibility, but I was so tired I could barely stay awake through dinner. My husband convinced me other opportunities would present themselves and I was trying to pack too much into a day. We finished dinner and I went to bed for a blissful 11 hours. The next day I felt so well I had more peace within myself than any dharma talk could have provided.
Dear Nick,
I am very proud of your decision and you! I’ve been getting your very many emails (or The Tapping Solution emails)for many months…and wondered where you got all your energy…It seemed like you were always on to ‘the next great adventure’. By staying ‘put’, calming down, and listening to your inner voice, you were really doing the work that tapping just leads us and reminds us to do.
You did good. Barbara S.
I agree with the sentiments, but I would have seen the Dalai Lama. It is easier to arrange to meet an uncle who only comes around every 5 years than make an appt. to see the Dalai Lama. Afterall, is this uncle living in space that you couldn’t find him to visit him any other time? I question why the uncle only comes around every 5 years or why no one seeks him out before the 5 years.
Hi Nick. An interesting story.
But what I just want to say is this. A couple of years ago Dahli Lama visited my homecountry, I´m not living there anymore. I also had choise to do; listen to Dahli lama or go somewhere else. Do you know what I chose? Wrong!!! I chosed listen to Dahli. Have I regret it? NO!! Even if I not direcly spoked to him, but I was maybe 25 meters from him, and that was an experience and a feeling that will never end. Anyhow, I think to that you did right, there will come much more possibilities in your life, and I will also say that I think you are on right “road.”
Much love and greetings to your family,
Yours sincerely
Georg
Yes, I enjoyed this article very much and agree that there are times when we need to listen to ourselves. Thank you – this is a time in my life when I am making this decision about a lot of things that I have been doing that have caused me stress.
Hi Nick,
I don’t agree at all. I think you can do a better job of picking and choosing when it’s worth taking time out. Many of the other people you meet through this position you will have many more opportunities to meet in the future, it’s unlikely that you will get to meet His Holiness the Dalai Lama again. I have spent 6 days in his presence and would love the opportunity that you had. I’m offended that you didn’t think he was worth it! I hope you get another opportunity to meet His Holiness, please remember if you do that there are many of us who will never get that chance. I appreciate the need to just chill and spend time with your family though, I just don’t think it’s the best time you could have chosen to take a time out such as after the meeting.
Thank you, this is so true. I have come across the idea that it is okay not to do everything, that a missed opportunity may actually open the door to another just as valuable experience. Somehow even though I know this to be true I still struggle and get anxious about making a choice to miss out on an experience. So thank you for bringing this to my attention again. Looks like something to tap on.
B
Hi Nick…..I completely agree with your decision to stay home. I’ve learned the hard way that when your gut is telling you something, LISTEN!! Sounds like you did. When I haven’t listened in the past, I’ve always regretted it. Thanks for sharing your story; it validates what I have come to believe.
Best,
Kathy
Since I have been threw a training with NVC, where the personal needs, which grow in your heart, you have done the right thing, not meeting with the Dalai Lama, but listening to your heart, and as you write, what perhaps the Dalei Lama could have said, sounds right to me as well.
My training there (NVC) has changed my way of talking very much and the great thing is, that, as with Tapping, I have become very calm and happy, although I’m 94.
Please stay on that path for all of us, and THANK YOU C U
It’s not easy to say no to a wonderful oppertunity. I had an experience last year. A chance to go to America but my whole body kept telling me no. As wonderful as everything sounded, I decided to listen to my inner voice and I am so pleased I did. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hello Nick, Yes listening to ones intuition is the way forwards. Although the trickster self sabotuer can sometimes get in the way.
Good to hear that you had a real nice time with your family.
Some years ago when living in Spain I was sitting in a vegetarian restaurant in
Granada with two friends. On the next table to us was the Dalai Lama also sitting
with a group of friends. I remember quite well how privileged I felt being there at
that precise moment.
take care.
Paula.
This was perfectly timed for me.
I get overwhelmed by all the wonderful self-help stuff in my inbox, but it can make me more stressed as I don’t know which way to turn. Which actually defeats the whole purpose doesn’t it?
So I am learning to filter it…I don’t want to spend all my time listening and reading – wonderful as it all is!
So yes I think you definitely did the right thing! And wonderful as the Dalai Lama is, he is just another human being!
I met the Dalai Lama years ago, and treasure it. He initiated us into his healing work, gave a mantra, and asked us to help him heal the whole world. Yes, yes.
You are helping to heal the world in your way. If you want to be “closer” to him, find a video(-s) and watch it (them). If the opportunity comes again to visit at a better time, it will be worth it.
Thanks for asking.
Great article Nick. I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for sharing.
I love it, of course you made the right decision, I am often face with those kind of decision, I smiled when you wrote…and the Dalai Lama would of said Why aren’t you home with your family….. I must also say that I just finish watching your movie…thank you! thank you for your vision, thank you for your inspiration, just plain thank you!
Nick, you know you so did the right thing. Sometimes rhe high road is a little foggy in our mind but so very clear in the center of our being. Life is so very full of opportunities. When we want it all it takes serious self discipline to be still and hear that quite vouce on the inside. So worth it! I love living in Connecticut!!!
loved this …your heart prevailed