The holiday season is upon us! It’s a time that’s often met with as much dread as joy.
For many, getting a big family together doesn’t always reflect the pretty picture we see in all the Thanksgiving and Christmas commercials.
In fact, it can feel downright overwhelming!
“Will my mother-in-law judge my cooking again?”
“Will that annoying uncle make another inappropriate comment?”
“Will I have to deal with the tension between relatives?”
What’s meant to be a joyous experience leaves us holding our breath and wishing for the best. But it turns out we have more power than we think to create a great experience.
Here are 5 tips and a Tapping Meditation to set you up for a wonderful gathering:
1. Let Go of Expectations
You know those commercials we see of the ideal family laughing and passing the pumpkin pie? They’re actors!
I hate to state the obvious, but we often have these unrealistic expectations and the idea that things need to be perfect and run smoothly to have a good time.
So I’m here to break the news to you: that annoying uncle… he might never change. And it’s not your job to change him. That cousin who’s always late might be late again. You may drop the apple crumble you spent hours making on the floor (I did that once!).
When we let go of the expectation that things (and people) need to be perfect, we are able to see all there is to celebrate.
2. Heal the Buttons
I have one relative who I would always complain about because he had a way of pushing my buttons.
Every year he’d make some comment about my weight. Even when he said, “You look like you lost weight,” I’d smile and say, “Thank you,” when internally I was screaming, “Can you please not make my body a topic of conversation?!”
Whether it’s someone commenting on how you look, or asking about your relationship status or job, when you find yourself saying, “They push my buttons,” it’s time to leave the buttons at home.
Since I was struggling with my weight and body confidence, I was walking around with a giant open wound.
The moment anyone would make a comment, even a nice one, it burned and I would blame them. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t change them; I could only heal my wound.
When we take responsibility for the button and heal it, then there is no button to press.
No one can make you feel bad without your permission! If you’re expecting a topic of conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable, tap on it beforehand.
You might say, “Even though I get so angry when (insert relative) asks me / comments on (insert topic), I accept myself and choose to feel calm and confident.”
Then tap on the points while you give a voice to the movie you’ve created of what might happen, until you can imagine that scenario while feeling calm and confident. The Tapping Mediation below will help.
3. Choose What You Bring
I’m not talking about what type of casserole. When you walk in feeling tense and expecting the worst, that is exactly what you bring into the room.
Between the errands and cooking, take a few minutes to pause and check-in. What matters most is the energy you bring to the table, not the dish.
Consciously choose what you’re bringing – like gratitude, playfulness, compassion, excitement, and joy. Doesn’t that sound delicious?!
4. You’re Only Responsible for Your Experience
You can choose what you’re bringing to the table, but you can’t control what others bring.
When we go into a family situation feeling like we are responsible for everyone having a good time, our minds begin to search for whatever we believe needs fixing. Then we only see what’s wrong, and we let someone else’s mood impact our own. Bring your best energy and forget the rest!
If you’re sensitive to other people’s emotions, it’s important to tap before the gathering. Then after you tap, imagine a protective white bubble around you. You still have the ability to give and receive love, but that bubble repels negative energy. It’s a simple visualization, but a powerful one.
5. Remember What It’s All About
It’s not about the perfect table setting or the food; it’s about connection and gratitude.
We come together as a family to celebrate all of life’s blessings and to connect with each other. The best way we can do this is by slowing down and allowing ourselves to be present.
We don’t need a single meditation pillow in the middle of a silent room to be present. Be present with the joy, the excitement, and if you come from a big Argentine family like me, the shouting and playful teasing!
Take in the moment because there are no guarantees in life. You’ll never get to relive this holiday season again. It’s a moment in time – celebrate the gift!
Tapping Meditation for a Stress-Free Family Gathering
This meditation is a sample from our Tapping Solution App that is now available on all mobile devices.
Happy Holidays!
Jessica Ortner
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