Surrogate tapping is what I reach for when someone I love is struggling and I can't tap with them directly: a child who won't sit still, a partner I can't reach, a pet, someone who isn't ready to try tapping themselves.
Oh, the many times I've caught myself thinking...
"If (fill in name of your friend/family member/colleague) would just do (fill in name of the modality/supplement/seminar/book), then their life would be so much better!"
Have you had similar thoughts? Of course you have, because you care about those you love. You are on the cutting edge of exploring information that changes lives, and you just want more people to know this life-changing information, to make better choices, to find more happiness, joy, health, and abundance.
Our complete guide to the basics of tapping walks through everything step by step.
If you're weighing tapping against other body-based approaches to stress and trauma, explore our Tapping 101 collection to help you figure out which practice fits you best.
What surrogate tapping is (and isn't)
Surrogate tapping is doing a full round of EFT tapping while holding someone else in mind, instead of tapping about your own issue directly. People use it for a child who won't sit still to tap, a partner in the hospital, a pet, or anyone who isn't there, isn't ready, or isn't able to tap along with you.
Here's the honest part: there's no evidence that tapping this way changes what's happening inside another person. What it reliably changes is you, your own stress, your own fear, your own overwhelm about their situation. Many people who practice surrogate tapping find that's exactly where the relief shows up, and that a calmer version of you changes how you show up for the person you're worried about.
But I learned a lesson many years back that's encapsulated in an old saying...
"You can lead a horse to water... but you can't make it drink."
So if there’s a situation you’re struggling with, if there’s a person who you love that you are stressed out and anxious about, if there’s someone you want to help...
Watch this short video with my sister Jessica explaining the process, and then use the 16-minute meditation below:
Press Play Below to Listen to the Surrogate Tapping Audio
https://s3.amazonaws.com/tic_audios/SurrogateFinal.mp3
It's been my personal experience that the best way I can help others is to:
A. Do my own work first - BE the change!
B. Share with passion and enthusiasm, but WITHOUT attachment to the outcome - i.e. whether the horse drinks or not!
And there's actually a Tapping process that I've used to support that path, called "Surrogate Tapping".
Now, I often think Surrogate Tapping is slightly misunderstood, in that people think, "Oh, I can just tap for someone else and FIX them," - i.e. "I can make that horse drink!"
Whereas, I believe the real power in Surrogate Tapping is to first help us clear our own emotional attachments, stress, anxiety and overwhelm about the situation, person, or challenge. What I've found to be really exciting about doing this is that when we do our own work first, THEN THE MAGIC HAPPENS.
I can't fully explain it, but I've seen it again and again in my own life and in those who have done this process.
If you're curious to try it out, take a few minutes to do this free EFT Tapping Surrogate Meditation with my sister Jessica.
Free. The best place to start.
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Join the free summitHow to do surrogate tapping in 5 steps
- Name who you're tapping for, and why. Get specific: "my daughter, who won't stop crying" or "my dad, who's in the hospital."
- Rate your own stress about the situation, 0 to 10. Not theirs, yours. That number is what you're actually going to track.
- Say a Setup Statement about your own feeling, tapping the side of your hand: "Even though I'm so worried about [name], I choose to do my own work first and clear my own stress about this." Repeat it three times.
- Tap through the points, staying with your own feeling (eyebrow, side of eye, under eye, under nose, chin, collarbone, under arm, top of head), naming what's true for you at each one: the fear, the helplessness, the urge to fix it.
- Reassess your number. If it's still high, do another round. When your own stress comes down, you'll usually notice you show up differently with the person you're worried about: calmer, less reactive, less attached to how they respond.
When people use surrogate tapping
- A young child who won't sit still or doesn't have the words to tap on their own
- A partner or parent who's in the hospital, in surgery, or otherwise unreachable
- A pet who's sick, scared, or going through a hard transition
- Someone far away, or someone who isn't ready or willing to try tapping themselves
A short surrogate tapping round
Use this the next time you catch yourself spiraling about someone else's situation. Rate your own stress 0 to 10 before you start.
- Setup (repeat three times, tapping the side of your hand): "Even though I'm so worried about [name], I deeply and completely accept myself and how I feel right now."
- Eyebrow: "This worry about [name]."
- Side of Eye: "I can't fix this for them."
- Under Eye: "All this fear I'm carrying."
- Under Nose: "I want so badly to make it better."
- Chin: "But I can only do my own work."
- Collarbone: "So I'm choosing to clear my own stress first."
- Under Arm: "Even though I can't control what happens to them."
- Top of Head: "I release my attachment to how this turns out."
Reassess your number. Most people find their own stress drops well before they've "solved" anything about the other person, because the round was never about the other person. It was about you.
What our data shows
Inside The Tapping Solution App, our Surrogate Tapping Meditation (Relationships category) has been completed 53,420 times. People rate how they feel, not the other person, before and after: the average goes from 7.2 to 4.1, a 43% drop.
That number measures the tapper's own stress in the moment, which is the honest scope of what surrogate tapping can show. It isn't a measurement of anyone else's outcome, and we don't present it as one.
Surrogate tapping: frequently asked questions
What is surrogate tapping?
Surrogate tapping is doing a full round of EFT tapping while holding someone else in mind, instead of tapping about your own issue directly. It's often used for a child, a partner, a pet, or anyone who isn't there or isn't able to tap themselves.
Does surrogate tapping work?
There's no evidence that surrogate tapping changes what's happening inside another person. What it reliably changes is your own stress, fear, or overwhelm about their situation, and many people find that shift is what actually helps them show up better for the person they're worried about.
How do you do surrogate tapping?
Name who you're tapping for, rate your own stress about the situation from 0 to 10, then tap through the points while naming your own feelings, not theirs. See the 5-step process above.
Can I tap for my child or my pet?
Yes. Surrogate tapping is commonly used for children who won't sit still to tap and for pets. You're still tapping on your own stress about their situation, not on them directly.
Is it okay to tap for someone without their permission?
Yes, because you're tapping on your own feelings about them, not doing anything to them. Surrogate tapping doesn't require the other person's participation or even their knowledge, since the work is happening in you.
What do you say when you tap for someone else?
Name your own feeling about their situation in the Setup Statement, for example: "Even though I'm so worried about [name], I choose to do my own work first." Then tap through the points naming your own fear, helplessness, or overwhelm, not a diagnosis or wish for them.
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