The most important thing I’ve learned through EFT

Written by: Nick Ortner

There’s one thing I’ve learned to have for myself and for others in the past ten years of studying, using, and teaching EFT.

This ONE thing could make all the difference in how you approach the world and your experience in it.

In a lot of ways, this thing is one of the foundational elements of Tapping, as we see in the setup statement, “Even though I (fill in the blank with your problem), I deeply and completely accept myself.

What’s implied in this statement? What one thing must you have for yourself and others? COMPASSION.


Think about the setup statement. Within it, you’re acknowledging what your issue is, speaking the truth about it, how you feel, what you believe, and so forth, while at the same time, you’re accepting yourself, loving yourself, forgiving yourself “even though” you have that issue.

I’ve seen people have incredible breakthroughs just from the setup statement – just from that acknowledgment of where they are and that self-compassion.

Beyond the setup statement bringing forth compassion for yourself, you can also do specific tapping to further that compassion. I’ll share some ideas on what you can do below.

But first, let’s take a look at having compassion for others.

Showing Compassion

showing compassion with hand holdingWorking one-on-one with clients and hearing their stories has opened my eyes tremendously to the reality of what people around me face on a daily basis and what they’ve experienced in their lives.

You can imagine that when I work with people, and they feel safe, they tend to share with me their most painful experiences and emotions.

The stories I’ve heard, the pain people have experienced, have opened my heart in amazing ways.

Now, when someone is rude, or short, or angry, or acts in a way that isn’t positive, my response (as often as I remember!)  is not to judge them but rather wonder, “What might have happened to this person that they’re acting out in this way?” “What pain might they have experienced?” and, “How can I show them love and compassion?”

Trust me when I tell you that when someone acts in a way that disappoints you or upsets you, it’s rarely about you. 

They’re just acting the way they know to act. They’re copying their parent’s actions, society’s influence, and responding emotionally based on their formative childhood experiences.

If you react, if you judge, if you get angry, all you’re doing is perpetuating the patterns, and continuing the problem. If instead, you show love, compassion, and an open-hearted response, you have the opportunity and the ability to heal the situation.

Let’s do some tapping for both!

Compassion for Self:

This is a very GLOBAL issue, and we always want to try to get to the SPECIFIC. So start with this global tapping, and then as specific issues come up, focus on those. For example, if you do this tapping, and then a specific event comes to mind that you’re judging yourself about, tap on that event specifically.

(And remember… if you don’t know how to tap yet, just watch the short “how to tap” video with my sister Jessica by clicking here).

Karate Chop: Even though I have a tendency to judge myself, I deeply and completely accept myself
Karate Chop: Even though I’m sometimes hard on myself, I choose to love myself now
Karate Chop: Even though it’s hard to find compassion for myself, I choose to find compassion now

Eyebrow: All this judgment
Side of the Eye: I’m always judging myself
Under the Eye: Why am I so hard on myself?
Under the Nose: Where did I learn to have so much judgment?
Under the Mouth: Why am I always judging myself?
Collarbone: All this judgment
Under the Arm: I’m so hard on myself
Top of the Head: Always beating myself up

Keep tapping through the points, again and again, until you find relief and you feel like you can say these positive statements…

Eyebrow: I choose to forgive myself now
Side of the Eye: I choose to have compassion for myself
Under the Eye: I forgive myself
Under the Nose: I’m doing the best I can
Under the Mouth: With the resources I have
Collarbone: Forgiving myself
Under the Arm: Letting it go
Top of the Head: Letting all this judgment go

Keep tapping on the positive rounds, again and again, until you feel that it’s really sunk in.

Compassion for Others

As with the previous tapping, this is also very GLOBAL tapping, so start with this and then if SPECIFIC events come up, tap on those. So for example, you might start with this general tapping and then think of someone that you are specifically judging for something they did or are doing. Tap on that specifically!

Karate Chop: Even though I have a tendency to judge others, I deeply and completely accept myself
Karate Chop: Even though I keep judging what others do, I deeply and completely accept myself
Karate Chop: Even though I’m used to judging others, I  choose to change this pattern now

Eyebrow: All this judgment
Side of the Eye: I keep judging others
Under the Eye: I’m always judging the people around me
Under the Nose: I can’t stop judging them
Under the Mouth: I’ve always judged them
Collarbone: All this judgment for others
Under the Arm: This judgment
Top of the Head: This pattern of judging others

Keep tapping on the above rounds until you’re ready to move on to the positive rounds.

Eyebrow: I choose to forgive
Side of the Eye: I choose to let go
Under the Eye: I choose to release this judgment
Under the Nose: Releasing this pattern of judgment
Under the Mouth: Letting it all go
Collarbone: It’s time to stop judging
Under the Arm: It’s time to forgive
Top of the Head: It’s time to forgive myself and others

Now take a gentle breath in… and relax.

If you’d love to try out some more tapping, I encourage you to download our free app, which has free tapping meditations for each category.

Download The Tapping Solution App today!

Until next time…

Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner

What was your experience with this tapping? Did you gain more compassion for yourself? For others? Comment below!

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58 Comments on this post

  1. Darsh says:

    Hi Nick

    Thank you for this heart opening article 🙂 …
    Love and gratitude to you and your team.. Thanks

  2. Penny says:

    Thank you for this incredible experience. I’ve been revisiting the 7 week course and Judgment came up full force. Judgment served me well growing up, it was the ice wall that protected me from ridicule. I did not even realize I was a judgmental person. I hid it so well, I even hid it from myself. Now I understand it kept me from being free and kept me from being emotionally intimate with my loved ones. This script is perfect, thank you! :):):)

  3. Jacki says:

    That’s really thnkiing at a high level

  4. Kathy Hunter says:

    Hello Nick,
    Cheryl Richardson suggested I e-mail you regarding your Fear of Flying CD.

    Many years ago my former boyfriend, his sister, and her boyfriend took me out on a flight that was suppose to be beautiful. The boyfriend ended up being a stunt pilot, and the stunts scared the heck out of me.
    Recently, I’d contacted the ex. boyfriend (he seems depressed/ I felt compassionate, his sister has Altzhemiers, and so the pilot may never be known.
    I’ve done some tapping using Cheryl’s YouTube model, but I wondered when your CD might address this issue.
    Thank you in advance for your advice,
    Kathy Hunter
    203 453 2898

  5. Rebecca says:

    I had the opportunity to meet and work with Nick this past weekend at Omega NYC. The Tapping Solution has taught me several things, but most importantly that the only thing that ever stands in our way, is US! We have the power and with Nick’s great expertise, the tools, to peel away the layers of self sabatoging behaviors and self defeating thoughts that keep us from being our highest selves! I am grateful that the Universe brought Nick and EFT into my life and it will remind me to act always from love, never judge and have compassion for all, but most importantly for myself.

  6. Dorothy says:

    Hi thank you so much for the lesson on Tapping, it came just at the right time I have found it so helpful & sharing it with friends & family. Bless you all & Many thanks!!!!!

  7. Beverly Compton says:

    I am very late in reading this e-mail re compassion…I will commit to do tapping and focus on the very healing experiences it brings…I appreciate your input so much. thank you.

  8. Laraine says:

    Amazing how things happen when it is the right time.. I have had this news feed in my inbox for some time and have not had the time to sit and check it out… I have been struggling with judgement over the past few months, a wrong done to me and my judgement of it and the person responsible… I have tapped on the subject many times in letting go the hurt but never looked at it the way the Compassion tapping script is written.
    I started to do the tapping and felt detached like watching and not participating even though I was tapping and saying the words, I went through the compassion for self a couple of times adding a couple of names as well as my own, lots of deep breaths and yawns, which I know is a releasing. Then I scrolled down to the compassion for others and once more I felt like the voyeur looking in as I went through the script… I did that a couple of times as well and felt a weight lift from my heart, I had not realised that I had put such a wall around the feeling centre of my being… I have all the compassion in the world when dealing with animals but have been lacking where it is really needed, if I do not have compassion for myself how can I have compassion for others.
    Thank you for your script I will make sure I do it many times and see the wall dissolve.
    Love and Light

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Get Instant Access to our "Releasing Anxiety" and "Sleep Support: Quiet The Racing Mind" Tapping meditations.
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