Finding Your Voice

Written by: Nick Ortner

Jerry Seinfeld quote
Sometimes it’s hard to say hard things. Sometimes it’s hard to say easy things.

Sometimes we struggle to speak up, to say what we need to say, be heard, to be understood, to shine.

To be ourselves, truly and authentically.

To share those deepest parts of who we are with loved ones, with the world, with those that need to hear it.

But when we finally do it…when we SPEAK… when we SHARE….when we OPEN…

Ahhhh….the beauty in that moment.

Watch one of those beautiful moments, caught on camera, and see if it inspires you to speak up just a little bit more.

If the brave young man in this video found his voice…you can too.

Watch this wonderful video and below it, I’ve also shared some great tapping tips on overcoming the fear of public speaking.

They apply not only to speaking in public but also to finding your voice in all aspects of your life!

An excerpt from the NY Times bestselling book “The Tapping Solution”

The Tapping Solution
Two Fears Handled in One Hour
Meggan is a dynamic writer, lecturer and coach to thousands of women around the world. She was scheduled to speak at an important conference and reached out to me for some help.Meggan had often taken the stage before, with extremely positive feedback from her audiences. But up until that point, she always read her speeches from behind a podium. She never felt fully comfortable with the experience, either. For the upcoming event, she wouldn’t have a podium. She was also planning on speaking without a set script. The prospect terrified her, so she reached out to me, having heard how effective EFT could be when it came to public speaking phobias.When we began our session, I asked her to visualize being onstage, without the podium or her written speech, and to tell me what she experienced. Particularly, I wanted to know what she felt in her body. I find that focusing on physical sensations is a great way to get started addressing fears, because it helps us connect more fully to the feelings and determine what’s really going on.She shared with me that she felt a constriction in her chest and throat when she thought about the event; not a surprising location for a fear of public speaking! I asked her to give the constriction a number, and she said it was a 7 on a 0-to-10 scale. We began tapping with some very simple statements:Even though I have this constriction in my chest and throat, I deeply and completely accept myself.Even though something feels stuck in my throat, I deeply and completely accept myself.Even though I have this anxiety in my chest and throat, I choose to relax now.

We kept tapping through various statements and the points, until she could no longer feel the constriction in her chest and throat. I then had her go back to the image of herself speaking up onstage at the event. What did she feel? What did she see? She shared that she felt better, and saw the speech going well, but only once she got started. “I think getting started is going to be tough,” she said.

We’d cleared out the stuck energy in her chest and throat, and now the next aspect of her phobia had arisen. So we tapped on the issue of getting started, until it cleared and she felt confident enough to continue.

I continued to ask her to visualize the event and to look for anything that didn’t feel right. I even added to the potential pressure, on purpose, in order to make sure everything was clear. For example, I had her visualize the audience not smiling when she first came out, to see if that would bring up any anxiety. Audiences are generally very receptive and welcoming to the speakers, but I wanted to push her buttons a little bit, to make sure we handled all the different aspects of her phobia.

This process continued, with more tapping, digging deeper and deeper, until she could no longer find any anxiety, stress, or worry about the speech. Instead, she reported that, “I’m actually excited for this and starting to think about what I want to discuss. I could never go there before, because I was too terrified of the whole experience!”

I’ve mentioned it several times but it bears repeating because it’s so crucial. The way to get lasting results with fears or phobias is to dig deep and address all the aspects of the issue. This is a time when it’s good to look for what’s wrong, to identify problems, to push within yourself and see how it feels!

Meggan was delighted with how she felt, and we were about to sign off from the call when she shared with me that she was excited to use EFT on her other fear: flying. She was going to have to fly to the event, after all! The fear of public speaking had only taken 30 minutes to address, so I offered to continue helping her with the fear of flying right then, and she agreed.

She shared with me that 15 years earlier, she and her sister had flown together on a small airplane, and the flight was the worst experience of her life. From the start, the turbulence was unlike any she had ever experienced, with the small plane dropping several feet at once, again and again.

She had been sure she was going to die. The pilot didn’t say a word to reassure the passengers, and the muted cries and screams of the people around her made everything worse. They finally landed safely, but to Meggan’s mind and body, the trauma of the experience never left. She had worked on healing and had made progress, but at the deepest level, the trauma was still there—affecting her life in all sorts of ways.

This wasn’t just a fear of flying that we were working on together, it was a deep-seated fear about life—about safety, about who she was in the world and about not having to be on alert at all times. That one experience had taught Meggan that she needed to be vigilant, that the world was inherently unsafe and that her body wasn’t safe, either.

Ask Yourself . . . Fears and Phobias

What fears or phobias do you have, and how might they be affecting other parts of your life?

What beliefs do you have about yourself and the world because of these fears?

I used the “movie technique” technique with Meggan, asking her to recount to me what happened while tapping at the same time. I could tell from Meggan’s body language and tone that just talking about the issue brought her some anxiety, so I was careful to move slowly. I told her that if she ever felt the emotional intensity was too high, or if she didn’t feel safe, we could back away from the experience. This is one of the great things about working with people on video Skype or in person rather than by telephone: the visual cues give you invaluable information.

Meggan recounted the story of the plane flight from start to finish. I focused on helping her feel safe, guiding her with questions that brought her deeper into the experience when needed and pulled her further out when things seemed to get too intense. She told me what happened, step by step, and tapped the whole time. Her first recounting of it was very emotional, but I could see her calming down as she tapped. I then had her tell me the story again, and again, and again, until there was no emotional intensity to any element of it.

In the end, when she thought of the traumatic flight, she broke down in tears of joy because she was no longer experiencing the fear and pain that just 30 minutes earlier was paralyzing to her.

I’ll let an e-mail that I received from Meggan the next day give you a fuller idea of the results she experienced:

I’ve been sleeping like a teen since our call. If it weren’t for my toddler, I might still be in bed. It’s not fatigue; it feels more like make-up sleep. The part of me that was terrorized into hypervigilance during that flight 15 years ago, to stay awake, to keep watch, to be ever on the lookout for my safety finally took a bow and stepped down. Not trusting life takes a lot of energy. I have this visceral knowing that when the make-up sleep has run its course; I’m going to have crazy amazing energy.

I’m so fascinated, and semi-perplexed, at the session’s effectiveness. I keep trying to conjure the fear I once had for flying, and also the naked, exposed feeling I had about speaking without a script in public, and I just can’t access it. It’s not there. I remember who I am, or who I was before these fears made a home for themselves within me. I don’t get how tapping works, and I don’t need to—it just does.

Tapping accessed the actual wound and just lifted it. Poof. Tapping returned to me the actual feeling of calm and safety in my body that the trauma of that flight has been blocking ever since. Like a magician pulling the white tablecloth out from under a dining set, tapping revealed that my trust in the world, in my life, has always been there—as my ground of being—and that the fear was simply obscuring its permanent presence within me.
I’m a convert. A smacked-on-the-forehead, true believer convert. My gratitude is endless.

Tapping Tip: Addressing the Fear of Flying

If you or someone you know is scared of flying, here’s how you can use EFT to help:

1. Practice beforehand. Tap before you’re going to fly, trying to re-create the flying experience in your mind. Envision yourself going to the airport, checking in, waiting for the plane, boarding the plane, sitting down, hearing the engines turn on, feeling the plane start to move, feeling the plane take off, being in flight, feeling the plane descend, and feeling the plane land.

As you go through each element of the flight, notice which ones get to you. Where is the anxiety? Where is the fear? Is it when the engines turn on? Is it when you’re flying and there’s turbulence? Tap on each of these elements.
The most effective thing you can do if you’re not actually flying is to do your best to relive the memory in your mind and body. The same thing goes for all fears and phobias. The real test, of course, is when you’re actually confronted with the situation! But in the meantime, you’d be surprised how effective it can be to simply relive the memory.

2. Tap during the flight. I’m always delighted when I see people tapping on a plane (more often than you’d think!). It’s a great way to bring down anxiety, fear, and stress. I’ve even tapped myself during really bad turbulence that pushed my own comfort zone! Don’t be worried about other people noticing; they rarely do. Most of the time they’re concerned with their own issues. If they do notice, you can easily share this powerful tool with them.

Exercise: Overcoming a Fear or Phobia

Overcoming a fear or phobia can be a massive personal victory, leading to even greater success in other areas of our lives, such as relationships, finances, and even personal health. And the reason is that these fears and phobias inherently signal to the rest of our consciousness that we don’t have full control over our lives.

If Meggan has to worry about anxiety and panic taking over at any point, can she really feel safe?

Knowing we have the power and resources to control these fears—rational or irrational—strengthens what we can create and accomplish in all aspects of our lives.
So pick a fear or phobia right now and tap through it yourself. It doesn’t have to be a massive phobia or a lifelong fear. If you can’t find anything (I know you can, but if you really can’t . . .), then help someone you know overcome his or her fears. Here are some common fears and phobias. See if you relate to any of them:

  • Animals
  • Bridges/Tunnels
  • Bugs/Spiders
  • Death
  • The Dentist (or Other Medical Fears)
  • Flying
  • Elevators
  • Enclosed Spaces
  • Heights
  • Needles
  • Physical Pain
  • Public Speaking
  • Riding in Cars
  • Selling/Cold Calls
  • Social Phobias/Anxiety
  • Water

Keep Tapping! (and speaking YOUR truth!)

Nick Ortner

What was your experience with the video above? What fears and phobias can you clear away?

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18 Comments on this post

  1. Priyantha fromSri lanka says:

    Thank you.My first duty in the morning to see if Nick has sent email or any facebook post by him

  2. marcia says:

    Thank you for that beautiful poem.It is so inspiring and truly encourages me to continue doing so.

  3. Lori says:

    I used EFT for a fear of a certain bridge in Minnesota, excursion boat, cruise ships, body of water (they were all directly related) and I was tapping all the way back to my little girl self age of five to nine years old and I was over 50 when I tapped.

    I am very grateful because now I can look at a picture of that bridge and no feelings come up I say that it’s just a bridge and the best thing I was able to get rid of this fear all by myself without any help.

  4. Patricia says:

    That video was very moving. thank you for sharing it and also for the the story of the woman who had fear of public speaking. My fear is of painting a bad painting….i must use your technique to approach the canvas…I graduated from art school with raves from all my teachers who helped me paint…made me paint…but without their support ….every thing i do is wrong….
    so i will tap my way to the canvas.
    Thanks for all you do.

  5. Carmen says:

    Wonderful poem! Thank you for all e-mails you’ve sent to me and for this from today.

  6. Alec Smith says:

    Wow Thanks for sharing that. I personally know the power of music, I try to walk every morning and as I walk I listen to Music its never very loud in my ears but it allows my thoughts and what I really feel and want to say come out. I am going thru a hard time right now and I wanted to find away to say it without the anger.

  7. Bruce Leitch says:

    Thanx Nick I love your E-mails: Bruce

  8. owner, chief guide, Trail Discovery, Palm Springs, Ca. says:

    Thanks Nick for taking the time & energy to really explain, once again, the deeper side of this powerful process. To really “tap into” the deep-seated emotion behind the issue seems to be where the real magic happens, if the person is willing.
    Thanks for all you do,
    scott 2

  9. Amanda nicholas says:

    This video of the boy finding his voice really brought tears
    And I felt tremendous emotion when he was able to really
    Enjoy talking to his teachers and thanking them for having got over
    Stammering. Very very touching. And also the story of Megga
    Was wonderful and gives more proof of everything that
    Tapping can do for you. Thank you Nick.

  10. Carlos, Paramount, CA says:

    Beautiful! That young man taught all of us a meaningful lesson.

  11. Del says:

    Thank you for sharing.!!

  12. Del says:

    So needful to have a teacher/friend that can see a possibility and DRIVE us towards that place.
    Rewarding and a WIN-WIN for all.!!

  13. Francie says:

    i’m crying… tears of joy…. It feels good to know we have still sooooo LOVING people on our planet just like our bro Nick! THANK YOU for sharing… It gives hopes!!!

  14. Paloma says:

    Thank you very much, Nick.
    This video has really inspired me and (of course) has made me shed tears.
    I am involved in and feel passionate about education. I do believe that everybody, anybody can achieve great things with the right type of support and encouragement. If I may, I’d love to use this in my teachers’ blog in Spain… just to show my teacher-students what they can do for themselves and for their students.
    Thank you!

  15. Samina says:

    What can say Nick . I believe in EFT and ever uptime I read all these miracles my belief gets stronger . I want my famy to believe in it fully . We have had some challenging health issues
    And I keep practicing EFT for them .i am looking forward to EFT
    To relieve tension and dis-ease that affects the immune system .

    Thank you for all the fabulous wor you’re doing .

  16. shaun says:

    I’m crying!

  17. Karen says:

    I am from Yorkshire where this film was made and I cried again when I saw it – so emotional. Thanks you for sharing it. X

  18. Katja Matthys says:

    Wow, that is truly a heartwarming video, thank you so much for sharing it Nick. Enjoy a lazy summer.

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Get Instant Access to our "Releasing Anxiety" and "Sleep Support: Quiet The Racing Mind" Tapping meditations.
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