Let’s Talk Mom and Dad: Address Childhood Trauma

Written by: Nick Ortner

FamilySunsetIn “The Tapping Solution” book, I stressed the importance of dealing with childhood traumas to help the mind, body, and spirit heal.

These formative experiences are often still affecting our daily lives, and when we process them/heal them/let them go, everything can change.

Today, I want to explore this topic, but with a specific focus on the relationship between you and your parents.

Whether your parents are still with us or not, this exercise will work. Just because they’ve passed doesn’t mean that relationship and its surrounding energy isn’t affecting you today.

Let’s Tap on It

Go ahead and take a deep breath, and get really centered. I’m going to ask you to close your eyes in a minute, but obviously you need to read what to do first. 🙂

So you’re going to close your eyes, get grounded and centered, and imagine your mother or father (pick one to start with), walking into the room where you are right now.

I want you to sense how you feel when they walk in. Do you tense up? Are you sad? Are you angry? What memories, ideas, and images come to mind when they’re in your presence? Just sit with it for a few minutes, and as things come up, feel free to write them down so you can tap on them later.

What you’re searching for here is your current emotional response to them, and how it brings up old memories. For example, you might say, “When my Dad walks into the room, I instantly get angry and start thinking about how he was never around when we were growing up.” Or, “I’m so mad at him for leaving my mother,” or whatever else comes to you.

Go for that initial gut reaction, pick that as your “target”, identify where you feel it in your body and how strong it is (0-10), and then let’s do some tapping on it.

As always, this is VERY general language because I don’t know what’s going on for you. Amend as you see fit, use your own language, or do the tapping by yourself, without the script.

Tapping Script

Karate Chop: Even though I have “this feeling” towards my ______, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Karate Chop: Even though I have “this feeling” towards my ______, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Karate Chop: Even though I have “this feeling” towards my ______, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Eyebrow: This feeling…

Side of the Eye: This memory…

Under the Eye: When I see my _______…

Under the Nose: I feel _____ in my body…

Under the Mouth: And it’s so hard to let it go…

Collarbone: I’ve been holding on to this for so long…

Under the Arm: And I don’t want to let it go…

Top of the Head: This feeling….

Repeat several times, checking in on the intensity each time, getting clear on the feeling in your body, and working through the memories as they come up.

Do this process several times, with each parent, until you find a sense of peace when they’re in your “presence”.

Childhood Trauma and Pain Takes Time to Heal

Now, I understand this might not happen after 15 minutes of tapping. If you had an abusive childhood, it might take more work to forgive, let go of the past and heal, but each time you do this is a step in the right direction.

Go back to this exercise a couple of times a day over the next couple of days and you’ll be surprised with what comes up AND how much better you feel after you’ve done the tapping. These relationships are primary to our existence, and healing them can affect so many different parts of our lives.

Pay attention. As you heal these relationships, do other parts of your life change? Are you more patient or loving with your partner? Do you finally attract the person you’ve been dreaming of, not the one who was put in front of you to try to heal this old stuff? 🙂 Do your financial patterns change? Does your body heal?

A lot can happen! But you have to do the work, do the exercise several times, and do the tapping.

I hope this has been helpful for childhood trauma or your parent-child relationship. Please share with me your results with this exercise or any questions you may have – just comment below.

There may be no more powerful step in our journey of personal development and growth than to forgive our parents. Forgive them for what they did and what they didn’t do. Let go. Understand. Have compassion. Know that they were doing the best they could with the resources they had. Heal these wounds, small and large, and everything can change for you. Start today.

Until next time, Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner

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31 Comments on this post

  1. Maggie says:

    I have very few memories from my childhood. As soon as I thought of my Mum I was in floods of tears and sobbing. I guess she was the first person who I allowed to break my heart. Now that realization…… Quite something. I have just had the aha moment with regards to that. Am thinking that perhaps I need to forgive myself and not just her? Any thoughts on this Nick? Blessings to all. Amen.

  2. Trudi Dido says:

    aye yi yi I thought I had forgiven my dad . but the frozen- in -fear feeling came up big wgeni imagined him walking into the room right now. whew! Lots of work to do . thanks for the blueprint

  3. Paula says:

    I don’t normally answer these , I usually just do the exercises , but I do love tapping and have experienced many shifts . The only area that remains stuck, unmovable has been with regard to my parents . They are 88 and 90 yrs old , and have declined quite a bit recently . First I’d like to say they aren’t horrible people , and some might even think my issues are trivial … but what came up for me in the exercise was a feeling of constant judgement , followed by disappointment … never good enough . A pretty common issue right !? But I was stuck , they are not going to change … then came the lightning bolt … I was judging them , I was disappointed in them as parents , they weren’t the perfect parents I wanted … I call this the “I wanted a dog and got a cat “syndrome matter how much I want them to be “a dog ” they are “cats ” and will never bark . So in order to feel accepted and acceptable myself , I need to accept them for who they are. As “cats” they are pretty good !!

  4. Laurie Mack says:

    I did NOT want to do this tapping even though I thought it would be good for me. I kept myself busy with all kinds of stuff but left it on the screen where I could see it and think about it. In the end what came to me was that if either of my parents walked in the room it wasn’t about how I felt about them. Instead, I got a feeling that they were both very proud of me, Wow, didn’t expect that. (both of my parents have been deceased for almost 20 years)

  5. Sandy says:

    This was the first post I saw when I opened Facebook this morning, it could not have been anymore timely. Thank you Nick for all you do to help me heal, grow and flourish.

  6. Lana says:

    Have you been watching my life???
    Thank you Nick, you have no idea how much I needed this.

  7. sadhna says:

    that was great.
    i tried this tapping and got wonderful results.
    thank you .thank you. thank you

  8. Diane says:

    Thank you Nick, I have been putting this exercise off because I knew it would be painful. It was but I am grateful to you for giving me the opportunity to face issues and let go of the past.

  9. Holly says:

    Impeccable timing. Thank you for all that you and what you offer the world.

  10. enrique says:

    hi nick, your work is awsome, to spread hope in change and a method too!some of us have the soul destroyed by volatility of things and have to literally rebuild our soul from the ground zero of misuse, inspiring us to act and providing for a plan is wonderful!! A simbolic toast on your ledership!
    I hope to work on my traumas and in this process heal and want to thank you for your confidence in me, because that is genuine leadership, to believe in the rest despite its errors!


  11. michelle says:

    Thank you for this timely blog Nick – I still have both my parents, though they are in their 90s. I tapped on my relationship with my father as it is Fathers Day – I wrote the script on the biggest piece of paper I could find (A2) in felt tip pen, and just that made me start to feel better! After a few rounds of tapping, I can now imagine my dad walking into my room and sitting down without triggering me – but me walking into his space – that’s going to require a few more rounds! Thank you for sharing Nick.

  12. Rosemary says:

    In addition Nick’s ideas, I also like to picture the scene and then imagine tapping on the family members present. That mother who was so tense or that father battling to cope may need loving tapping. Yes, the past is “over” but I find that tapping on each of the people in the scene helps as if I have healed the past and it then flows on into the present.

  13. drew norton says:

    this is very practical advice! i thought this was going to be a warm and fuzzy talk about ‘mom and dad’ but there are many people who have been hurt by close relatives including mom and dad and this is a way of getting a grip on it! thanks for your advice nick!

  14. carmel says:

    Thank you for this Nick it will be very useful for me as I have spent a lifetime trying to heal a memory that I blocked of abuse by my father and he died when i was 17 and the real knowing is still trapped in my subconscious.

  15. Jan S says:

    This parent script is a good way to get into the Personal Peace Procedure from the book. After several hours I had a many page list, hard to know where to start. This helped.

  16. Lucy says:

    Thank you, Nick. My parents died many years ago, and your simple suggestions helped me tap into some deep, clarifying grief.

  17. menke says:

    Hi Nick, thank you so much for this wonderful gift! You are so generous! Before I even started the exercise about Mum and Dad, I already cried, because I have always wanted a good,loving relationship with my parents and never had. Relationship with my mother was almost hostile,from her part,so I hated her for years. Relationship with Dad complicated, loving but also he was very selfinvolved and dominating. I first started with my mother, cant even say word Mum, because she does not feel as such.Fear, Embaressment,on the Alert,Un at Ease,Overwhelmed,Overpowered,No Say,Dominated and Sad. I Tapped on several, and ended up in pretty calm state.:) Will do this for few days.Thank you Nick for all these gifts, they are so valuable! xxx

  18. Leanne says:

    Thank you Nick. I hadn’t realised that I had forgiven my Mother several years ago but not my Father. I had always, as a little girl does, put my father as the one who did nothing wrong by me. But sitting there watching him walk in! Wow.. the judgement and the feelings of ‘what have I done wrong now’ really came flowing in. And it was funny as I had always related them to my Mum, but in actual fact they were Dad. During the tapping I realised that I had been putting the same emotions onto my 2 boys. So I thanked he for showing me what I was doing and now I can take the actions to change and far surpass my parents and their parenting skills. I released and let go and thanked him for doing the best that he could by me with the skills and emotions that he had been taught. My heart feels lighter, maybe a little more ‘angry tapping’ to do. But a great way to start my weekend. Thank You Nick.

  19. Jan S says:

    Today, tapping while watching the World Cup in Spanish (I speak English). 🙂
    Have a list of body issues, and this combination is keeping things lively.

    Anyway, this parent exercise really helped get the ball rolling (ha ha, soccer’s on now) in a deep and essential process I’d been attempting for decades. It’s been THE way to tease out just enough perspective that I can truly experience the other scripts and feel real change. Whew! A big relief, a big personal goooaaaallll.

  20. Kathleen says:

    OH BOY! I first heard of EFT from Mike Dooley about a year ago. When I looked “it” up it sounded like something that I would benefit from, but I have had a fear of doing it. I put it in the back of my mind. About a month ago I heard about it again, and finally found this website/blog and have followed it ever since. I have to tell you that EFT scares the heck out of me! But not doing it scares the heck out of me also. I am afraid of what will come to the surface! I had thought about tapping about my anger towards my mother, but, like I said, I’m afraid. I really don’t want to re-live all of those hurtful/angry feelings. I have known for a long time (I’m 48) that she is the blockage in my life. (Well, my feelings towards her are my blockage.) She died last year and I thought I was finally ‘done’ with her, but like you said, that relationship and its surrounding energy is affecting me today. I think I may try this script out someday when I have a whole day off to myself. *Wish me luck!

  21. Laura says:

    This is such a powerful exercise. My mother passed away last year after several years of failing health. Although I know I will need to do this exercise again, I already feel relief from the guilt and sorrow I have been carrying.

  22. Frances says:

    I can tap and forgive anything that was done to me. But I cannot and will not tap or forgive something that was done to someone dear to me, that would feel like betrayal. I wish it was otherwise.

  23. Eileen says:

    Gee, I feel overwhelming joy at the prospect of seeing my folks again. And I feel their joy at seeing me. Joy is so ephemeral, and I thank you for the occasion to feel it.

  24. Andrea says:

    Thank you for this invitation – it had me cry straight away. My father has been dead for many years but just picturing him made me feel all his emotional suffering and how guilty I have felt all my life for not being able to save him from it. Some more peace within a couple of minutes – thank you.

  25. Leanne says:

    Thanks for this exercise Nick. I work in an all male addiction treatment centre & one of my duties is to teach an EFT workshop once/week. I’m excited to add this exercise to my curriculum because most of these men have childhood traumas with parents or caregivers. I’ve also done EFT work in the past around my parents and it has been very helpful. I no longer blame them for things that happened in my childhood and I appreciate & accept them more now than ever….

    Thanks or your work Nick

  26. barb says:

    Thank You.This Script Process Works So Well For Me. Helps Me Focus. I Felt Safe And Better Letting In My Emotions About My Parents. We Were So Poor..It Blocked Every Part Of Our Lives. They Didn’t Have Coping Skills To Be Poor And Raise A Family. They Were So Sad.

  27. Linda says:

    following your text one thing that came up immediately and was a surprise to me (I did have an excellent childhood.) was how angry I was at my dad.I was very angry and doing the tapping realized I was angry at him leaving when I needed him the most. He had no choice as he died, but to me, it felt like he abandon me. I have continued to do more tapping and do feel a lot dad died when I was just 17. I am now in my 60′ that’s a long time to carry all that anger and resentment I didn’t know I had. thank you for giving me the tools to help myself.

  28. Jawana Jackson says:

    It is amazing that you sent this info to me at a time when I needed it. Lost my mother in November of 2013 and put my husband’s 97 mother in a nursing home in December. Our lives have been filled with stress and hardship for many months now. I know tapping works and will try this exercise to help us. The mind can heal the physical and mental and make our bodies whole again! Thanks again for reaching out to touch.

  29. S. Large says:

    Just did a few rounds of tapping on my mother when the phone rang and it was ‘Carers Support’ to say that my mother and I may both be entitled to receive a one off payment as we care for each other. All I need to do is provide receipts for our swimming membership, pilates classes, reflexology sessions, massages, a holiday break or anything that maintains our health so that we both remain well enough to continue caring for each other. That worked fast and I hardly touched the surface of it!! Have a good weekend. Many thanks for all the good work you are doing. Sylvia XX

  30. Maggie says:

    When I started tapping on ‘Let’s talk Mom and Dad’, I was surprised to find myself crying right from the beginning. The tears were running down my face while I tapped. I was quite taken aback…. I was the youngest of 7 children and I was the child of their old age. My friends used to ask me if my father was my grandfather when they came over. I remember it being embarrassing. Being the last child, they were pretty over having children when I came along, so I was more or less left to my own resources. I did not get very much attention and my only real source of companionship was some pets. I absolutely love animals to this day. The day they took away Trixie, my dog, because she was getting old and blind, I thought my world had come to an end. I have lost both parents now but the main emotion that came up at the beginning of the tapping session was that I felt somewhat detached from both of them. Almost as if they were strangers in a way. How sad is that? They did the best they could bringing us all up. My father dealt with cancer for many years and we always had to be quiet. I appreciate my parents struggles more now that I see it through the eyes of an experienced adult. But I am very surprised at the impact of that feeling of distance between us, and how it still affects me even now. I suppose that that is the reason that I never felt like I fit in anywhere and often even felt a bit like a burden.I have friends and family who love me and people who say I have made a difference in their lives, but there you have it!Silly eh? I now feel more comforted even after the first session. I will continue tapping on this issue some more as you have encouraged. Thank you Nick.

  31. Yazdi Kohiar says:

    Very informative article. Many thanks. Tapping certainly helps to heal emotional wounds.

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