All of a sudden it came to me: Maybe I was afraid to go to sleep. And then the memories flooded back—things I had forgotten about and hadn't thought of for maybe a couple of decades.
15 Years of Not Sleeping
Stephanie has always had problems with sleeping. For the past 15 years, she's been on disability, and most nights look the same: go to bed early, sleep for a short time, then lie awake for hours throughout the night. Wake up tired. Have breakfast. Go back to bed until early afternoon.
"I am a pretty private person," she writes, "so not many people are aware of this."
She had sought help from professionals. She'd had therapy. But no one had ever been able to help her overcome her sleep issues. The night terrors—vivid dreams of someone breaking into her bedroom while she slept—continued well into her 40s.
The Phrase That Changed Everything
During Julie Shiffman's talk at the Tapping World Summit, Stephanie was taking extensive notes. She was transcribing the Tapping session word by word when she typed a phrase Julie suggested: "Maybe there's a rebellious part in me that refuses to go to sleep like when I was a child. Perhaps I didn't want to go to bed. I didn't want to miss out on all the fun."
Something felt off.
"I thought, 'No, that doesn't sound right to me...it wasn't that...I wonder what feels better to me?'"
And then it hit her.
The Breakthrough Moment
"Maybe I was afraid to go to sleep. And then the memories flooded back—things I had forgotten about and hadn't thought of for maybe a couple of decades."
The Memories That Flooded Back
What Stephanie remembered wasn't something she'd ever discussed in therapy. It was so normalized in her childhood that she hadn't thought of it as trauma.
What She Remembered
Nighttime was a scary time in Stephanie's house. Her mother was terrified someone would break in. Every night before bed, she would lock multiple locks on each door. Then she would place a massive 6-foot 2x4 behind the front door, wedging it between the door and the nearest wall so no one could ever get in. A smaller 2x4 went behind the back door. Dowel rods were fitted into every window track in the house.
This was "the norm" from the time Stephanie was 4 years old until she moved out at 27.
Every time the family wanted to walk from the kitchen to the living room after 10 PM, they had to maneuver over this massive obstacle. But no one ever talked about how that wasn't normal. The big plank even became a comfort to her—in her 20s, she would put it there herself because it gave her a sense of protection.
As a child, Stephanie was petrified of someone breaking in and harming her family in their sleep. She wouldn't feel safe to fall asleep unless she could believe she was going to be asleep first. She would tell her sister, who slept across the hall, to keep saying "Good night, Stephanie" periodically so she would know she wasn't the only one awake in the house.
Somewhere in her teenage years, she learned that most break-ins happened by 3 AM. After that, she was never able to rest fully until after that hour passed.
A Lifetime of Fear She Didn't Know She Was Carrying
Age 4
After parents divorced, the nightly barricading ritual began. A 6-foot 2x4 wedged behind the front door, another behind the back door, dowel rods in every window.
Childhood
Stephanie couldn't fall asleep unless she believed she'd be asleep first. Her sister would say "Good night, Stephanie" throughout the evening so she knew she wasn't the only one awake.
Teenage years
She learned most break-ins happen by 3 AM. She couldn't fully rest until after that hour every single night.
Age 20s
Even as an adult, she would sometimes place the plank behind the door herself because it felt protective. The barrier had become a comfort.
Age 27
Finally moved out—but the sleep patterns remained.
Age 32+
On disability for 15 years. Most days: wake up exhausted, have breakfast, go back to bed until early afternoon. Night terrors continue—always the same dream of someone breaking in.
Age 47
During a Tapping World Summit session, one phrase finally unlocked the memories. The connection became clear: her body had been on high alert for 43 years.
Why This Matters
What makes Stephanie's breakthrough so powerful is that she had been to therapy. She had sought help from professionals. But no one had ever helped her uncover this connection—because the experience was so normalized in her childhood that she didn't even think to mention it.
It wasn't until a Tapping session gave her language that didn't quite fit that she found the language that did.
It was because I questioned the language that Julie used, where that one phrase just didn't resonate, and I looked for one that did, that allowed for all this to come up.
Stephanie writes that she still has to tap on all of this. But she believes she's on the edge of a massive shift. The connection between her childhood fear of sleeping and her lifelong sleep struggles is finally clear.
And for the first time in 43 years, she has a path forward.