Finding the Right Mate For You
Written by Alina Frank
In my opinion and experience, EFT is hands-down the most effective tool to break ancient patterns of behavior. Nothing works as elegantly in making links to the past so that all a skilled practitioner has to do to make a session a success, is be completely present for what the client is feeling.
Triggers for emotional pain often lie beyond what one is experiencing in the present moment. The level of intensity surrounding an incident in the present is in direct proportion to the way it is linked to the past — and nowhere is this more obvious than in the area of romantic relationships.
Mate Selection
When working through issues of marital strife, I will often hear “Oh my gosh, I married my mother/father!” It seems to be predetermined at times that we choose our mates to resolve childhood issues. Using EFT, I have been supporting students in learning the science of mate selection.
Juli Vinik, M.A., developer of the course RightMate4U, has accurately identified the components of happy and successful mate relationships and in finding the right mate for you. The system that students learn is based on a model to ensure a good, long lasting choice in a mate. If one part of the model is lacking, the woman begins to believe that there is something wrong with her. Her self-esteem can suffer and she will try to change different aspects of herself in order to fix some perceived flaw. If another part is missing, there is no chemistry in the relationship and the result is a passionless partnership. If yet another part is missing, the woman will view her partner as a project that needs ‘fixing.’
Examples
Lisa’s story
Lisa was feeling a deep sense of sadness when she created her vision of what she desired in a man. After a few questions, we determined that this deep sadness was a result of her past wounds. Many of her past partnerships were with men that were not completely available to her either emotionally or physically. One in particular was with a married man. We tapped on the specific emotionally charged memories of that affair including one in a hotel room where this man met up with Lisa, but then departed at 2 a.m. The clearing of this memory revealed to Lisa the link to her single father. Lisa was sent to live with her grandparents throughout her childhood and she had memories of sitting by the phone waiting to hear from the father that would never seem to call. Her “love neural net” was made up of associations from men who aren’t present and available.
Matilda’s story
Matilda used the system and although she felt that her current boyfriend was very close to the model, she was reviewing the course because there were some crucial items missing in that relationship. She realized that in most of her past relationships, they seemed to be lacking in physical chemistry. We nailed the core issue when I asked her who the last person she had gone out with with lots of chemistry was. Matilda had been going out with a man whom she thought might be “the one.” The chemistry, as she recalled it, was seriously intense and very passionate. One day she was having lunch with a female acquaintance when this woman happened to mention that she was dating Matilda’s guy. Matilda sat across from her incredulous of this blatant philandering. We tapped on this scene along with the subsequent confrontation with her guy in a restaurant. After a few rounds of tapping, Matilda suddenly realized that this man reminded her of her father. She also recalled her mother confiding in her at a young age that her father was unfaithful. Her “love neural net” was made up of associations from men who are charming but untrustworthy and therefore she had been attracting men that were perceived as “safe.”
How EFT Can Help
EFT has proven to be invaluable as a tool to heal from painful past partnerships, release feelings of fear that one can’t find what they are looking for, as well as clearing baggage from parental relationships that have played themselves out in love relationships.
Using EFT to heal your past will open you up to the possibility that you can attract the right person for you. I can state this with conviction because I uses EFT myself in this way and am now with my ideal life partner who is the inspiration for my involvement in teaching this course to educate singles in attracting the love of their dreams.
Blessings,
Alina Frank, CERT-I
I am very interested to know how this works, as i do seem to attract the wrong men for me, regards lyn
I love ETF. I am day 16 of sobriety! I use ETF 2-4 times daily. I do not have any strong desires to drink. If I do I tap on it 🙂 I have shared this with my daughter who has used ETF for her anxieties and job interviewing – it worked! she passed her med test 100%! I am looking forward to using ETF for quitting smoking next!
Everyone should give it a try.