Surrogate Work with an Ex-Husband
Written by Alice Grange
I just finished the 6th EFT session with Melinda, a woman who originally contacted me because I specialize in helping women heal from their mother wounds. After doing some substantial work on her relationship with her mother, we moved onto other relationships.
During our sessions she released a lot of grief, guilt, and hurt about the end of her marriage (which she had initiated after many years of trying to make it better), the effect on her almost adult children, and the reactions of her parents and other relatives, most of whom sided with her ex-husband, which didn’t feel at all fair or understandable to her until we released the feelings she had been experiencing as a result. (See the list below).
During our last session together, initially she couldn’t find anything to work on! She reported having recently spoken to her Dad (he initiated the conversation – it is amazing what can happen when we work with energy!), and it had been a good and supportive talk. Interestingly, she found herself not needing his approval anymore. (He had been her employer and fired her when she left her husband, which had been quite a shock and very painful).
After working a bit on her relationship with her ex-sister in law, who didn’t know what to say to Melinda, we moved onto her feelings about her ex-husband, who had tried to make some of the changes she had wanted him to make, near the end of their marriage. This was too little and too late for Melinda, though.
While she feels that he is a good man, he was just not the man for her, and when she checked on her current feelings about him, she found she was concerned about how he was feeling, and how much he was hurting.
I asked Melinda if she would like to do some surrogate tapping on her ex in the Matrix and she agreed, and this is where it began to get really interesting!
After finding him in the Matrix, explaining to him about tapping, and asking whether he was willing to have Melinda support him with tapping, we checked in with how he was feeling. He indicated that he was really sorry and hurt but he knew that he couldn’t make Melinda happy and that she deserves better than what he gave her. (At this point Melinda started to cry). He really wanted her to be happy, so we began to tap on the sorry feeling, (which was at a 9/10 and lodged in his heart and looked red and felt like a liquid). We also tapped on his hurt feeling, which was at a 7/10.
After a round where his numbers went down significantly we began working on forgiveness. Forgiveness towards himself and towards Melinda! They then began a dialogue where both forgave each other AND themselves and acknowledged that each had done the best they knew how to do at the time. There was plenty of time given to allow him to say anything that he wished he had said to Melinda in the past, and for her to do the same with him. The tears were really flowing at this point and the relief Melinda was feeling was palpable even though we were working over Skype.
Before we began the imprinting, we checked back in with the ex and the feelings in his heart. The sorry feeling that had become sorrow was now at a 1/10 and the hurt feelings were down to a 2/10.
We began the reimprinting process with Melinda, and then quickly moved to her ex and imprinted it into him. After his brain and body were full of the feelings of forgiveness and peace, Mary sent the new memory to her children, her parents, her husband’s relatives and her own sibling.
Once she was finished with that process we checked in with her and she reported feeling good and at peace.
After spending some time going over my notes from our previous sessions, where I was able to point out how frustrated, fearful, sad, angry, alone, abandoned, nervous, guilty and depressed she had been feeling a little over a month ago, (we met weekly during that time), we compared all that to her current feelings of peace, personal responsibility, being relaxed and in a good place. She also had a good idea of the niche she wanted to focus on with her new business, now that she is no longer working for her father!
It felt like our work together was done, so I wished her luck in her future, asked her to send me the announcement of her new website/business, and left the door open should she ever want to come back for a tune up!
Personally I felt quite excited about the potential to combine EFT and Matrix Reimprinting, with surrogate tapping AND my training and experience Mediating with couples in crisis. It is never too late to heal a difficult relationship, even if the relationship has changed substantially.
