So you’re trying to people-please, huh? How fun is it? Have you been able to keep everyone happy? Recently I’ve been struggling with this and thought I’d share my thoughts and what I’ve done to change my perspective.
I’ve mentioned two things in my email leading to this blog post…
1. Trying to Keep Everyone Happy
2. Learning to Say “No”
In a lot of ways they can be separate issues, but they have a lot of connections to people-pleasing, so we’ll address them together. Just last week I was feeling a tremendous amount of pressure and stress, and since I don’t love that feeling and know that there’s a way to shift it, I started digging deep to find out what it was really about.
What’s interesting about this issue is that it’s not always so obvious. If your back hurts, you know that’s a problem. If you’re angry about something that happened last week, you know to focus on that. If you feel financial pressure, you know that’s the issue.
But I wasn’t really clear as to WHY I was feeling stressed…
Especially since when I looked around at everything that was happening in my life, it was all GOOD things…AMAZING things in fact, that I am so grateful for.
1. I just wrapped up the first draft of my new book, to be published by Hay House in April of next year. It was a thrilling process to write it, amazing things happened and I’ve grown so much from the process and have such high hopes for the book (and more importantly, the message it carries)
2. This weekend, I’ll be speaking at a Hay House event in San Jose, and sharing the stage with the people I’ve followed, learned from and loved for years, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, and Cheryl Richardson.
3. Next month, we’re launching the 4th year of the Tapping World Summit. An event that has grown from nothing to over 300,000 people last year.
4. I have the honor, privilege, and joy to communicate with YOU, over 300,000 of you.
5. Every day I worked with an amazing team (most of them my family members!), I read emails of amazing life transformations and people using this powerful technique to change their lives.
6. I could argue that my personal life is going even better. I’m getting married this fall to the love of my life, have amazing friends and an incredible family.
My life is COOL… very, very, very, so grateful, so happy, so amazing, need to help others make this happen COOL kinda life.
SO….why was I SO stressed out…overwhelmed…and a little bit miserable last week?
I thought about all those amazing things in my life, trying to be grateful, but it wasn’t cutting it. Something else was going on. And when I took a deep breath and focused on what was stressing me out the most, the issue of having to please everyone came up.
1. The book: Will people like it? Will the readers be happy? Will Hay House be happy with the results of the book?
2. Speaking this weekend: There are 2,000 people…will they like what I have to say? Will they get value from my talk?
3. The Tapping World Summit: It’s been such a huge hit…can we do it again this year? Will our partners who promote it be happy with the results? Will the listeners be happy with everything we’ve worked so hard on?
4. The People Who Get My Emails: Yes, that’s right. This one is about YOU. I was stressed about making you happy. (How nice of me, right?) I deeply value and treasure the relationship I have with the 300,000 + people that get my emails. It’s an honor to be able to communicate with you. And I want to keep YOU happy. Which is easier said than done when there are 300,000 different people, having different experiences, wanting different things! So I was asking myself: Are people enjoying what I’m sharing? I want to give them more tapping content, but I need to find more hours in the day!
5. My amazing team: Are they happy? What else can I do to keep them motivated, to communicate better, to connect with them more?
6. I actually wasn’t stressed out at all with my personal life. 🙂
But those first five items, these incredible things that were going on in my life, were actually weighing me down.
I felt a lot of pressure.
The pressure to keep your friends and family happy. Maybe the pressure to perform at work, or simply the pressure to meet expectations.
Oftentimes, this pressure, often self-created, comes from the delusion that it’s YOUR responsibility to make everyone around you happy. I think part of this is built into human nature, we want the people around us to be happy, with us and with their lives. But beyond that instinct, it’s easy to take it to another level, where it’s just not healthy.
We create these expectations for what we have to do. We create this picture of having to be perfect. We want to people-please! And this is where the need to say “no” comes in. Life is busy, there’s no arguing that. And it seems like it’s just getting busier, so at some point, you’re going to have to say “no” to something. There has to be a limit to what you can do IF you expect to have true happiness and joy in your life.
The funny thing is that as things get better, as you find more success, you’ll have more opportunities and more things to say “no” to. I’ve worked with a lot of people on finding more financial success in their lives and one of the things that come up, again and again, is the fear that if they get what they want, they’ll be busier and thus more unhappy! But I digress, that’s a whole other issue we can chat about some other time. 🙂
So, making people happy and being able to say “no”. They obviously go hand-in-hand because sometimes when you say “no” to something, it can make people unhappy!
Well… you saw this coming… you’ve gotta tap on it. What I did last week is to make a list of the things I was feeling pressure about and then tapped through them, some general, some more specific. A general tapping round looks like this:
(If you’re not familiar with the EFT process, you can learn the basics here: www.thetappingsolution.com/how-to-tap.php)
Tune in to the feeling of having to keep everyone happy. Feel it in your body. Is there an emotion there? Can you feel some resentment or anger? Do you feel pressure? Is it overall stress?
Karate Chop: Even though I have to keep everyone around me happy…I deeply and completely accept myself…
Karate Chop: Even though I feel all this pressure to keep everyone happy…I deeply and completely accept myself…
Karate Chop: Even though I’m stressed out about keeping everyone happy…I choose to relax now.
Eyebrow: I’ve got to keep everyone happy…
Side of the Eye: All this pressure to keep everyone happy…
Under the Eye: How am I going to pull this off…
Under the Nose: There’s so much to do…
Under the Mouth: And so much pressure to do it right…
Collarbone: What if people are unhappy with me…
Under the Arm: I want to please people….
Top of the Head: I want them to be happy with me…
Take a deep breath – if your number hasn’t dropped yet, do another round.
Eyebrow: It’s time to relax about this issue…
Side of the Eye: It’s not my responsibility to keep everyone happy…
Under the Eye: Their happiness is not under my control…
Under the Nose: I can only control what I do, and I can only do my best…
Under the Mouth: Releasing this need to be perfect…
Collarbone: Releasing this need to make everyone happy…
Under the Arm: Letting it all go…
Top of the Head: Letting it all go now….
This is obviously a very general tapping round. REMEMBER: If something else comes up, a specific event, emotions, or belief that you have, focus on that issue specifically until you clear it. Just a clue to look out for: we often develop these patterns early in life, so if you’re doing this general tapping about keeping people in your life happy now and you start to remember about how you tried to please Mom or Dad, perhaps how you tried to make them happy so they wouldn’t fight or be stressed…know that that’s an important topic to address.
If you want to clear the underlying people-pleasing pattern forever, going deep into those childhood roots is where you will most often have the most powerful and lasting results. It’s not always easy to go there, but you can do it. 🙂
Karate Chop: Even though I just can’t say no to people, I deeply and completely accept myself…
Karate Chop: Even though I feel all this pressure, I have to say yes, I deeply and completely accept myself….
Karate Chop: Even though I’m scared to say “no”, I want people to like me…I deeply and completely accept myself…
Eyebrow: I just can’t say no…
Side of the Eye: I want to do all these things…
Under the Eye: And I want to make everyone happy…
Under the Nose: I don’t want to disappoint anyone…
Under the Mouth: So I just can’t say no…
Collarbone: My issue with saying no…
Under the Arm: Why can’t I say no?
Top of the Head: I wonder where this old pattern started…
Take a deep breath – if your number hasn’t dropped yet, do another round.
When you feel a shift, you can move on to some positive tapping…
Eyebrow: It’s time to relax about this issue…
Side of the Eye: It’s safe to say no…
Under the Eye: I can say no and people will still like me…
Under the Nose: I can’t control what people will think of me…
Under the Mouth: I choose to release this pressure to say no…
Collarbone: Releasing this need to say yes…
Under the Arm: Letting it all go…
Top of the Head: Letting it all go now….
Again, these rounds of EFT are just to get things started for you. Focus on YOUR specific issues. Who are you trying to keep happy? Why? When did this pattern start? Is it a healthy pattern? Or do you suffer because of it? Do you have trouble saying “no”? Why? What would happen if you said “no”? When did this pattern start?
These are all questions to get you thinking…answer them with a pen and paper, focus on the specifics, and then tap through the emotions, events, and limiting beliefs.
So… needless to say, I did a lot of tapping and felt a tremendous amount of relief. I was able to enjoy these amazing things happening in my life right now. The reality is that I’m doing the best I can, and while I certainly have the intention to make the people around me happy, I’m not willing to sacrifice my personal happiness to do so and I understand that at the end of the day, their happiness is their responsibility.
Ahhhh…..much better. 🙂
.
Please take the time to comment, not only because it means the world to me (makes me know you’re happy and I need that!!! Just kidding!), but more importantly, your comments, stories, and ideas might really help someone else get more clear on their issues.
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Copyright © 2024 The Tapping Solution, LLC
You have made me happy! Keep up the outstanding emails! You help so many people!
Thanks for keep us infirmed. We have had your material now for about a year or so and use it regularly, Thank you for today e-book offer Bllessings of Healing Marion
Thanks for keep us infimred. We have had your material now for about a yeaer or so and use it regularly, Thank you for today e book offer Bllessings of Healing Marion
yes it works, so beautiful and so easy.You help others also to be happy.
Namaste’ dear Nick
I hope you don’t feel any extra pressure from all the loving vibes that you’ll be getting from this blog. 🙂 You are perfect just as you are. Ditto, ditto, ditto to Delia above.
Your generosity of spirit and honesty is an inspiration to us all. As a yoga teacher I love your practice of swadyaha (self-study) – one of the prerequisites for an enlightened state.
The world is better for your footprints. Thank you from my heart.
and DITTO to the response above mine.
Hi Nick,
So my question is: Will YOU have time to read the 44th comment (mine, I think)
But I CAN answer one of yours. Don’t worry about the emails you send to me. I’ve appreciated them all; look into them and specific topics; have bought EFT, EFT for weight loss AND I do expect to become EFT certified and use it in my work and life purpose.
SO IT’S ALL GOOD.
Dear Nick,
Reading your emails (and Jessica’s) makes me feel as if I know you both personally. I am amazed at the amount of energy you both have. No one would ever expect any more from you. You send out interesting, helpful, and sincere messages at a frequency that is just right. Your hearts are as big and warm as your smiles. Congratulations on all your success. You deserve it.
Hey Nick,
Thanks for the post. It is really relevant to how i , and I’m sure most people, feel. We don’t want to be selfish so we sacrifice what is best for us. For me it is about worthiness.
I would like to take some pressure off you by saying that i personally LOVE everything you and Jessica put out and do for the benefit of others.
So please don’t worry so much as you are much more appreciated than you could ever know.
It s said that you cannot please all of the people all of the time but you have info to offer that is only there to help and benefit others, and believe me it does.
You can never know how much what you say or do affects other people, especially the ones you never see.
I hope you can accept this as you are more than worthy of all the good things that come into your life. Good karma for all the good you put out in the world. This goes for your brother & sister as well. Take care and have a great day.
..thanks very much
i have a problem of anxite and insomnia,and i use EFT ,but i d ont use well, i wait your help
j ai un problem d’anxite et insomnie depuis plusieurs annee j’utilise eft pendant plusieurs mois , mais j’aimerai m’aider pour elimner mes problems de santé
thanks
There is a sentence in zen buddhism -” you have to give the freedom to people to suffer”.. The first time I heard it I was realy shocked. It took me many years to understand this sentence and to understand how much compassion lays in these words. But after years in observing myself and the suffer around me I understood that people ,not always ,realy want to improve their situation. The most I digged as you say I discover about myself that It’s very important to me to be usefull, and when I dig more I understand that the help and the love that I want so much to give around me I have first to give to myself, and that was the hardest work that I ever done. Only from that point you can go outside to the world and to help and give love and to undestand that sometimes people that coming to our lives are reflaction of our inside and we have always ask ourselves – where it’s in me what I see in front of me. BE LOVED AND LOVE YOURSELF. YEHUDIT
Nick, I tried so hard to be good enough that I became very ill and I am still trying to recover from lupus. I harmed my life trying to be good. When I can walk well again I will just do my best thats it.
Nick, I love your email. They come when I most need them. THANK YOU!
Thanks Nick!
My mother’s favorite comment was “I just want everyone to be happy”. Honest! The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This attitude has gotten me in some serious trouble in every area of my life – finances, health, relationships, self confidence. When others happiness and well-being becomes more important than one’s own, it results in loss of personal power. I know from experience. Thank you for addressing this and for the helpful guidance.
Dear Nick, Thank you for that wonderful session of tapping. You hit the nail on the head. I feel bless to know that you know what I am going through.Once again Thankyou I am going to tap a few more rounds on that topic.
Much Apprieciated,
Chris Bishop.
Perfect as always. This need to please, to not disapoint anyone has been with me for a very long time. In recognizing this I have used many techniques but at the end of the day I believe that those circuits are so ingrained that awareness and cognitive methods are not enough. The tapping works in ways that I don’t understand but it does work. It takes me out of my head and into my body by the simple task of physical tapping. That is all I need to know.
I appreciate your generosity in all that you share with us and your honesty in sharing your struggle with saying no. 🙂
I am grateful for this discussion because this is the number one issue that has caused me a lot of stress over the years.. I am ready to try EFT with it and stop waiting till hours after to regret saying “yes” when I should have said “no”.
Thanks Nick…must have seen what I have been doing and feeling the last days. Much going on here in the family…and as mother mostly carrying the way through. For me it was not only the learning to say “no” but how to move in the right direction with all the things that come upon one. Sometimes I wish I could tap instantly enough to clear the path as to what should be done and what not…especially when family are involved. Must find the core of this one!! Have a blessed day and greetings to the team. Nanette
Aloha & Mahalo…. this is just what I needed to hear today. Happy to be reminded to just tap on it!
THANK YOU, YOU MADE ME HAPPY!
Thank you Nick, for your insightful and honest message about how we try to keep everyone else happy and need to practice saying no more often, when appropriate for our own wellbeing. Your EFT lessons are so clear and effective. I’m sharing them with my clients as well.
Kudos Nick. You have shared ideas to help me cope with both issues. I find your emails very enlightening and appreciate all your efforts.
Nick,
I really like how you list all the great things going on for you, then show how you make the good stuff into stress. Great insight! I think we all do this a lot; I know I do.
I have been using EFT and a variation of acupressure in my medical practice for years with amazing results. I really like the way you are getting the message out to people about the value of this healing technique. Nice work!
Whenever we focus on RESULTS/CONSEQUENCES we are allowing the EGO instead of the SOUL to take charge. Only ask our GOD self to make decisions, choices and there will be NO PROBLEM !!!
Dear Nick, this was really touching. And it works! You are a genuine and lovely person. Your future wife is a lucky person indeed 🙂
All the best to you and the whole team for all your wonderful work,
Jaana Cowasji
Finland
Thanks nick,its an excellent blog.Its something i can relate too. Continue what ur doing coz ur such a blessings to everyone…
God bless,
tessie
Oh my goodness. This is so what I needed this very day, this very moment! I too am a people pleaser and do my best to make and keep everyone happy! Just this morning I said “no”, in my heart, to three significant people in my life. They are all manipulators (in a nice way ….). A people pleaser is the perfect person for a manipulator’s particular kind of neediness. They know they will get what they want from me, and they are experts at doing that “secretly”. I realized just this morning that all three of them are “manipulating” me in different ways, and I had no idea how stressed I have been until this blog post and tapping solution! I have been feeling guilty for making a decision to not meet their manipulative needs, and worried that they will judge me, reject me, be angry with me. I can tap all of that negative thinking into oblivion!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, Nick. Great timing for me to read this post. I’ve been downsizing my email subscriptions and considered unsubscribing from yours (I know… I know… but wait!). It wasn’t that I unhappy with YOU. It was that I’m unhappy with ME because I haven’t made opening your emails a priority and knew I was missing out. The guilt and shame I felt for having such a full inbox of untouched content was overwhelming. But instead of unsubscribing, “something” nudged me (ha! you and I know the power of the Universe) to make your emails and my connection even stronger than it had been before. And voila! Here today is just the message I needed to hear. And to tap. Thank you so much–so so much–as always!
This was really, really helpful, as I am in such a stress right now, on the verge of submitting a children’s cartoon project to a very big entertainment ‘Giant’, and scared out of my wits that they will reject it or steal it and change it. I realized through this tapping that I want to save all the children in the world, and stop the abuse that haunted my own childhood, so that brought me back to always trying to please and entertain my parents, who were both violent, often unpredictably. This is a very heavy load to carry and it’s all within me, now I realize I can’t possibly save all the children in the world and I can somewhat relax around that thought.
Still I need a lot more tapping on the origins of this, thank you so much for this!!
Hi Nick I to fill the headaches of trying to please family members, I have grown up children, two live with me, and fill like they should live there free. I work with them on these money issues, but they feel that since they are my children that they can pay whenever. I have to constantly remind them that no one can live free in some one’s else house and enjoy the money that they work for and the parent’s pay all the bills.
Thank you Nick!
This topic is true for my life also. The fear of disappointing people…I’ve been working on saying “no” for years. These rounds of tapping on this really helped and got to the early childhood roots. I always appreciate your emails and the work you and Jessica do. I can’t wait to read your book!
Bev
Loved it… Much needed tapping for me… I’ll have to do a couple more rounds however and I will be passing this along to my husband as well… Thanks!!!!
WOW…thank you for this Nick!! Perfect timing that I saw this today as this very issue has been coming up for me. Tap, Tap, Tap and now it’s gone. Congratulations on your impending wedding and looking forward to reading your book!! Love and Gratitude
Excellent information…and tapping aide. What good are our “yeses”…if we can’t say “no?”
Thank you so much! Great post! We like you! Congrats on your wedding and new book!
Hi Nick:
I can relate to all that you say. People pleaser from way back. As far as the good stuff happening to you I think what you have to remember and most people don’t as they always associate stress with unhappy stuff happening to them. But stress is stress and sometimes the body just can’t figure out why it is so bothersome when good stuff is happening to them. I think the secret is and I am no expert but a “calm” is the way to go and not too excited and not too bummed out but just being o.k. with everything that is happening to us. Pleasure, pain and whatever. As the good book would attest to “a peace that surpasses all understanding”
Now that is all of my expert advice you are getting for today…ha ha
Seriously though Nick you are doing a fine job and all the pressure is mostly internal and doesn’t deserve a room in your head……
Love and God bless always,
Mary
Hi Nick
Thank you Nick. I am one of them always try to keep everyone happy and can’t say no. Veru helpful tapping
Best Regards
Chandrika
Hi Nick
This came at a perfect time for me. I have 4 children and the last two in school are a sophmore and a junior. Needless to say but they are very demanding and never seem to be happy. So as mom I am always doing extra things for them. Well this week I finally thought the heck with this. I am tired of trying to make everyone else happy!!!! I have been having sessions with EFT for a few weeks now with a beautiful woman in my town. I have learned a lot and your messages only solidify how awesome this form of healing is. So thank you for all your knowledge and I don’ t think you need to worry about us. You are doing great work!!!!!! Hugs
Eileen
I’m happy reading your e-mails !!!
I enjoy! Thank you 🙂
franca
Hi Nick,
Now I really wish to take the opportunity to express my gratitude for all that you are offering in the e-mails I am receiving from you! I get so much great information from you and I really appreciate you and everything you are sharing.
I have had difficulties in my life before with saying NO, but EFT has been (and is – I am an EFT-Practitioner myself) a wonderful tool to use to take my power back. A great gift!
Thank you for everything! I wish you all the best in your life!
Love and gratitude,
Maud Carlstrom, Sweden
The time you put in and at a personal level is very much appreciated and for all you give to others and for your continuing support. Yes, I am here and I read all your emails and take note of the content. I will be making sure that I do not miss any of the Summit when it starts next month. When reading a book, what is important for someone usually jumps out at them – your book will be amazing – thank you.
Thanks Nick! Excellent way of recognizing how we so easily turn positives into negatives in our lives. You outlined a clear path for me to do the same in my life. Thank you for your continued work.
Thanks Nick… awesome timing as usual !!! Blessings to you and your whole team <3
What a fantastic blog. Very relevant to me, and I sure to manyothers. I was reading through …thinking…please Nick, give us a round of tapping, and you did.
So you have made me happy. I know that is not the point, that you are now perfectly content, at peace with whatever I think, knowing that you have spoken your truth and given of your best….but I thought you would like to know anyway. 🙂
Thank you Nick.
May God bless you in your life and work, and may many be blessed through you.
Katherine
Nick, I am always so touched by your openness and honesty. You really live what you teach, which makes you the best of teachers! I hope you are truly flying high today, having given us this gift to achieve the same.
Dear Nick,
Great tapping sequences – and yes, I am very familiar with that kind of pressure – and how great it feels to give that one up!!!
All becomes so much more fun once we start listening to ourselves, giving to ourselves, setting limits, saying no, and then start truly giving from fullness and wholeness, instead out of fear…
Thanks, Nick, great stuff!!
Best, Heike
HeikePrevrhal – http://www.releaseintopeace.net
Thank you, Nick, I love your posts and think of you as a friend. This one really hit home because I stress about this all the time, feeling the need to make my family, friends and business associates happy with me, and feeling too much responsibility for the relationships in my life.
thank you for your care and concern about us.
I think many people are suffering from this same thing Nick. I know with 5 grown children and 10 Nanna babies, going back to school full time and deciding to stay in the same area as most of my children. Yeah ! Stressful. Pleaser n want to make everybody comfortable. The tapping has absolutely taken the edge off and hopefully will continue an inner peace to make good solutions. I trust the best for you in your upcoming event ! You should be so proud that you have helped do many people. Continue with your good intentions of heart….. You will always encourage win/win situations. Much love to you, Peg Fields
Thanks Nick.. this is great to know. Look forward to your book.
C’mon you 300,000 readers – let’s let Nick know we appreciate him. Not seeing any likes, or comments on this blog.
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